Erika fishing in Bitches:

You don't like my text like Teppy-text.Is her font prettier than mine or something? You can tell me. I won't get mad. I get text from other guys, too, sometimes, so it's not like I'm not tempted.

So happy that the insane mental energy I spent on that wasn't wasted, ita.

Ple, in Smallville (of course):

The song of songs, which is Superman's. 
Let him kiss Lex with the kisses of his mouth: for their love is 
  better than wine. 
Because of the savour of Clark's good rimjobs, Lex's name is as
  ointment poured forth, therefore do the slashers love thee. 
Ah Clark, Lex will run after thee: for he hath brought    
  thee into his chambers: he will be glad and rejoice 
  in thee, he will remember thy 
  love more than wine: the slashers love thee. 
Lex is evil, but comely, O ye sons of Smallville, sharpen up your 
  gaydar, practice on Superman.

Love the last line.

In Buffy (VERY SPOILY):

BHP: Jonathan was an S-Video in a world full of RJ45.

Erika:so, he couldn't connect?

Amych:Not without the right converter doohickey. Which you can probably get at Radio Shack, but who has time to stop there on your way to an apocalypse?

Jeff: Besides, they'll just try to sell you an RF converter.

Emily in Smallville:

Ha! That's it! My dreams are spoilery! She really is a porn star and international criminal!

(context? we don't need no stinking context!)

Connie Neil, in Bitches:

Swords are their own reasons, Jilli. Hubby has similar concerns as yours, though, because I have a tendency to want to test them by poking him in the side. Honestly, I don't know what came over me, I had this lovely triple-edged dagger in my hand, the balance was exquisite, he was standing right there, and the little voice said, "I wonder ..." Next thing I know he's yelping in pain and snatching the dagger out of my hand and I'm pouting.

Rob, in Natter:

I not only have a Tivo, my Tivo has a network card and can connect to the Internet.

Problem with that is, now it spends all day browing the web looking at stereo component porn.

Betsy, in Buffy, first quoting Elena's Husband, then her comment:

all of the supernatural messaging and the other miscellaneous evils were perpetrated by the same critter/being?

Oh, my God, the rumors about Microsoft are true!

From beneath you, it ..... Where would you like to go today?

Elena's Husband: Might be time for Willow to conjure up another Cyber-demon...Bill, Guardian of the Gates.

PMM: Oh, my God, the rumors about Microsoft are true

I'M STANDING RIGHT HERE!!!!!!!!! ;)

Betsy: And very well dressed you are, too, for a minion of Ultimate Evil.

No, wait. Maybe that explains the good threads, eh?

Connie Neil: l I can laugh at that stuff (edit: darn fast posters, the Microsoft stuff), I'm no longer a Minion of the Evil Empire. Though I'm now a Minion of an empire created by a co-founder of the Evil Empire.

I'm never going to be free, am I.

Betsy: Hey, I'm a Minion of a company that would really, really like to be the Evil Empire but has to settle for being The Evil Empire's Resentful Rival.

Java Cat, I white-fonted for the extreme spoilerphobes.