I think I have a copy of that somewhere. I don't remember writing an essay to get into college. Maybe I didn't apply to anyplace that picky.
It's not like she blew me off. She just left with another guy, that's all.
Riley ,'Conversations with Dead People'
The Great Write Way
A place for Buffistas to discuss, beta and otherwise deal and dish on their non-fan fiction projects.
Connie Neil - Oct 19, 2002 11:21:59 pm PDT #127 of 10001
brillig
Rebecca Lizard - Oct 19, 2002 11:24:39 pm PDT #128 of 10001
You sip / say it's your crazy / straw say it's you're crazy / as you bicycle your soul / with beauty in your basket
Yeah, I think that's been around the internet six thousand times.
Possibly something less specific like, "Hopefully you haven't put this down and turned your attention to the essay of the student council president who tells stories of all his generic good deeds."
That example sentence makes the speaker sound a little self-congratulatory to me. "But I'm not generic at all! Completely unique and original and shiny. That's me." I dunno.
Beverly - Oct 19, 2002 11:35:04 pm PDT #129 of 10001
Days shrink and grow cold, sunlight through leaves is my song. Winter is long.
Hopefully you haven't put this down and turned your attention to the student council president's essay that's simply brimming with good deeds.
Edit: That should have ended with a rising inflection, as it's an offering, not a directive. I love the essay, Holli, but I do agree with Hil and Rebecca about avoiding the (appearance of) self-congratulation.
Rebecca Lizard - Oct 19, 2002 11:38:10 pm PDT #130 of 10001
You sip / say it's your crazy / straw say it's you're crazy / as you bicycle your soul / with beauty in your basket
Hopefully you haven't put this down and turned your attention to the student council president's essay that's simply brimming with good deeds.
I like this much better.
Katie M - Oct 19, 2002 11:47:40 pm PDT #131 of 10001
I was charmed (albeit somewhat perplexed) by the fannish sensibility of many of the music choices -- it's like the director was trying to vid Canada. --loligo on the Olympic Opening Ceremonies
My favorite essay from the book on college admissions essays I read in highschool:
QUESTION: What is the bravest thing you've ever done?
ANSWER: This.
Supposedly the kid got in, though there was more than one essay associated with the application.
Beverly - Oct 20, 2002 3:36:49 pm PDT #132 of 10001
Days shrink and grow cold, sunlight through leaves is my song. Winter is long.
Oh, Hollll-eeeee!
That sentence should read "I'm hopeful you haven't," because "hopefully" modifies you. Or means "you are hopeful". Something. Wrong. So, "I am hopeful you haven't" is better. More.
Cheers.
Holli - Oct 20, 2002 3:41:56 pm PDT #133 of 10001
an overblown libretto and a sumptuous score/ could never contain the contradictions I adore
I didn't use "hopefully"! I used "assuming." If we're talking about the start of the second paragraph, that is-- the bit with the quadriplegics.
Alibelle - Oct 20, 2002 3:52:46 pm PDT #134 of 10001
Apart from sports, "my secret favorite thing on earth is ketchup. I will put ketchup on anything. But it has to be Heinz." - my husband, Michael Vartan
I, personally, adored the part with the quadriplegics because that's pretty much a vivid image of the terrifying college applicant, the super scary student that's going to make it impossible for you to get a spot at this really great school, that you want. And I think the people who read these essays know that, and the fact that Holli created such a vivid mental picture is more powerful than something that means something similar, but is "safe." I think the quadriplegics sentence shows more personality, and I really think that's what they're looking for, not political correctness.
Just my two cents.
Beverly - Oct 20, 2002 3:55:03 pm PDT #135 of 10001
Days shrink and grow cold, sunlight through leaves is my song. Winter is long.
Yes, you did use assuming, because you're smart, and with the words. Which apparently I am not today.
Nor the typing, if it takes three times to type 'today' correctly.
Hil R. - Oct 20, 2002 4:07:55 pm PDT #136 of 10001
Sometimes I think I might just move up to Vermont, open a bookstore or a vegan restaurant. Adam Schlesinger, z''l
I think that the quadriplegic thing would be OK if you make it slightly more over-the-top and include "perfect candidate" things other than the community service. Like, get rid of "all-honors," because it's a bit redundant with "valedictorian." Throw in that the person was also all-state in three sports and one or two other modifiers. Maybe throw in something like "Not that I haven't done my share of community service, but..." Make it clear that what you're (lightly) mocking is the student who does everything, not the community service itself.