Oh, Hollll-eeeee!
That sentence should read "I'm hopeful you haven't," because "hopefully" modifies you. Or means "you are hopeful". Something. Wrong. So, "I am hopeful you haven't" is better. More.
Cheers.
I go online sometimes, but everyone's spelling is really bad. It's... depressing.
Tara ,'Get It Done'
The Great Write Way
A place for Buffistas to discuss, beta and otherwise deal and dish on their non-fan fiction projects.
Beverly - Oct 20, 2002 3:36:49 pm PDT #132 of 10001
Days shrink and grow cold, sunlight through leaves is my song. Winter is long.
Holli - Oct 20, 2002 3:41:56 pm PDT #133 of 10001
an overblown libretto and a sumptuous score/ could never contain the contradictions I adore
I didn't use "hopefully"! I used "assuming." If we're talking about the start of the second paragraph, that is-- the bit with the quadriplegics.
Alibelle - Oct 20, 2002 3:52:46 pm PDT #134 of 10001
Apart from sports, "my secret favorite thing on earth is ketchup. I will put ketchup on anything. But it has to be Heinz." - my husband, Michael Vartan
I, personally, adored the part with the quadriplegics because that's pretty much a vivid image of the terrifying college applicant, the super scary student that's going to make it impossible for you to get a spot at this really great school, that you want. And I think the people who read these essays know that, and the fact that Holli created such a vivid mental picture is more powerful than something that means something similar, but is "safe." I think the quadriplegics sentence shows more personality, and I really think that's what they're looking for, not political correctness.
Just my two cents.
Beverly - Oct 20, 2002 3:55:03 pm PDT #135 of 10001
Days shrink and grow cold, sunlight through leaves is my song. Winter is long.
Yes, you did use assuming, because you're smart, and with the words. Which apparently I am not today.
Nor the typing, if it takes three times to type 'today' correctly.
Hil R. - Oct 20, 2002 4:07:55 pm PDT #136 of 10001
Sometimes I think I might just move up to Vermont, open a bookstore or a vegan restaurant. Adam Schlesinger, z''l
I think that the quadriplegic thing would be OK if you make it slightly more over-the-top and include "perfect candidate" things other than the community service. Like, get rid of "all-honors," because it's a bit redundant with "valedictorian." Throw in that the person was also all-state in three sports and one or two other modifiers. Maybe throw in something like "Not that I haven't done my share of community service, but..." Make it clear that what you're (lightly) mocking is the student who does everything, not the community service itself.
Holli - Oct 20, 2002 4:25:43 pm PDT #137 of 10001
an overblown libretto and a sumptuous score/ could never contain the contradictions I adore
Hmm. Maybe change "all-honors valedictorian" to something like "champion pole-vaulting valedictorian slam poet"?
erikaj - Oct 20, 2002 4:38:08 pm PDT #138 of 10001
Always Anti-fascist!
yeah, use that, Holli.
Connie Neil - Oct 20, 2002 4:52:16 pm PDT #139 of 10001
brillig
That's got my vote. Anything else, and you'd just have to call them Buckaroo Banzai and be done with it.
jengod - Oct 20, 2002 8:32:19 pm PDT #140 of 10001
I loved the disabled war orphans.
Liese S. - Oct 23, 2002 9:09:09 pm PDT #141 of 10001
"Faded like the lilac, he thought."