My favorite essay from the book on college admissions essays I read in highschool:
QUESTION:  What is the bravest thing you've ever done?
ANSWER:  This.
Supposedly the kid got in, though there was more than one essay associated with the application.
	
 
		
		
Oh, Hollll-eeeee!
That sentence should read "I'm hopeful you haven't," because "hopefully" modifies you. Or means "you are hopeful".  Something.  Wrong.  So, "I am hopeful you haven't" is better.  More.
Cheers.
	
 
		
		
I didn't use "hopefully"! I used "assuming." If we're talking about the start of the second paragraph, that is-- the bit with the quadriplegics.
	
 
		
		
I, personally, adored the part with the quadriplegics because that's pretty much a vivid image of the terrifying college applicant, the super scary student that's going to make it impossible for you to get a spot at this really great school, that you want.  And I think the people who read these essays know that, and the fact that Holli created such a vivid mental picture is more powerful than something that means something similar, but is "safe."  I think the quadriplegics sentence shows more personality, and I really think that's what they're looking for, not political correctness.
Just my two cents.
	
 
		
		
Yes, you did use assuming, because you're smart, and with the words.  Which apparently I am not today. 
Nor the typing, if it takes three times to type 'today' correctly.
	
 
		
		
I think that the quadriplegic thing would be OK if you make it slightly more over-the-top and include "perfect candidate" things other than the community service.  Like, get rid of "all-honors," because it's a bit redundant with "valedictorian."  Throw in that the person was also all-state in three sports and one or two other modifiers.  Maybe throw in something like "Not that I haven't done my share of community service, but..."  Make it clear that what you're (lightly) mocking is the student who does everything, not the community service itself.
	
 
		
		
Hmm. Maybe change "all-honors valedictorian" to something like "champion pole-vaulting valedictorian slam poet"?
	
 
		
		
That's got my vote.  Anything else, and you'd just have to call them Buckaroo Banzai and be done with it.
	
 
		
		
I loved the disabled war orphans.