I hate that people I care about -- MY people -- were hurt and don't feel safe here. I hate that I didn't know what was happening and my silence contributed to people feeling unsafe.

I hate all that, and I hate that I couldn't trust my instincts, and/or even effectively express my instincts.

I am so shocked right now. That said, he needs to go. Several members of our community have spoken up with truly horrendous stories and that is all I personally need to know. I sincerely hope that he learns and grows from this and apparently other situations stemming from his actions. Wow. Just, wow. I'm sorry to my fellow Buffistae who've suffered.

I hope you can get rid of any guilt feelings quickly and easily, Dana. You have done nothing wrong, not even a little bit.

I'm glad you posted that Strix. It's a valuable perspective. And I'm just glad to hear how you are doing, incidentally.

I think voting to suspend the rules is the right thing to do. I'm sorry we didn't see that we had cause to take action before now.

Would it be a good idea to remove him from the FB group now so that if there's anyone who feels the need to share or chime in out of his view we have a place to do that? I don't want to split up the discussion but it strikes me that might be helpful in some ways.

I think y'all can try and stop beating yourselves up here.

He got a lot of slack because he was a maladjusted kid. He received forgiveness and discretion because we knew how screwed up his upbringing was. Many of us have been and even continue to be awkward or damaged or outsiders or otherwise have a lot to learn and extended kindness to him out of empathy as much as anything else.

He also received a lot of wise counsel for a good long time, however. And he did not take it. He did not slide from abused to abuser ignorant and isolated with no access to knowledge that could bring him evolution or redemption. Ultimately he embraced the arrogance and manipulation of his parents and as an adult employs them.

We did our best by someone who needed it and that was the right thing to do. Unfortunately, it did not work and it's time to say he can't be part of this community.

Maybe we should have pulled the plug sooner. Maybe we were discrete for too long. There is no perfect way to execute this sort of thing. I beg of you, cut yourselves as least as much slack as you cut him. That is kindness you deserve and will not abuse.

(Hugs the stuffing out of Trudy.IJS.)

I'm glad you posted that Strix. It's a valuable perspective. And I'm just glad to hear how you are doing, incidentally.

I agree 100%.

And after a quick fall into the Twitter rabbit-hole, I am even more shocked and outraged. Nope, nope, nope. He just has to go.

I have no idea how to follow threads/conversations on Twitter. None. So I've read things here and there, but not much because I don't know how.