The only thing I can figure is that the term "grooming" is being used with respect to the promises he was alleged to have made to young writers—of promising to add them to a list of people he "might" follow on Twitter.

Mind you, that's one of the most flabbergasting things I've heard because seriously, who CARES if he follows them on Twitter, but then, I put it down to the fact that I've known him far longer than these people and initially within a far different context.

Man, even typing it out, it looks ridiculous, but it's something I've heard from multiple sources.

I agree. Who gives a good goddamn? But I guess he's not an undergrad pipsqueak anymore...he's a *published* pipsqueak. I guess I never thought of a follow as a commitment much, though, either...there might be a subtext for "the kids" that I have not been aware of, but my twitter is just a grab-bag of writers, politics junkies, and attempting to get John Cusack's attention... I can't imagine seriously using it for Capital-N Networking, but maybe that's why I could read that saga on a Thursday, right?ETA: No Cusacks were stalked or threatened, or even confronted with my inspiring status. Pinky swear.

Mind you, that's one of the most flabbergasting things I've heard because seriously, who CARES if he follows them on Twitter, but then, I put it down to the fact that I've known him far longer than these people and initially within a far different context.

But it's in the context of their careers in SFF publishing and his power as an editor and reviewer. (Because it sounds silly as hell to me, too, but only because I'm not at all in that sphere.)

I super hate this all the way around, you guys. I hate that people I care about -- MY people -- were hurt and don't feel safe here. I hate that I didn't know what was happening and my silence contributed to people feeling unsafe. And I hate that someone I've always liked is not who I thought he was.

I feel like by saying something, I've contributed to these negative effects on his career. Which is ridiculous. But it still upsets me. I don't want to see that kind of thing happen to him, and yet he's brought it upon himself.

I didn't realize he'd become a deal. (Maybe not a huge deal yet, but, funny how people expand when you try not to think about them, ever.)

I super hate this all the way around, you guys. I hate that people I care about -- MY people -- were hurt and don't feel safe here. I hate that I didn't know what was happening and my silence contributed to people feeling unsafe. And I hate that someone I've always liked is not who I thought he was.

What Steph said.

I feel like by saying something, I've contributed to these negative effects on his career. Which is ridiculous. But it still upsets me. I don't want to see that kind of thing happen to him, and yet he's brought it upon himself.

Dana, I get it, I really do. But thing is, he HAS brought this on himself. All of it. I've been watching him, professionally speaking, for well over a year—I watched how he behaved at cons, shunning people in favor of those he thought were higher up the professional food chain, and inflating his own accomplishments at the expense of others.

To wit: as an editor, he had a tendency to take the spotlight for himself rather than shining it on the authors whose work he'd acquired. This, to me, is a pretty big faux pas and as an author, if he'd done this to me, no way would I have ever submitted to him again. I also know there were a lot of seasoned professionals who were giving him the hairy side-eye for the behavior, but much like the behavior he was chided for on the board, a lot of people put it down to his inexperience and youthful exuberance and that he'd grow out of it.

Obviously, he didn't and I kept watching, thinking that at some point, he would have burned one bridge too many.

I just didn't think it would happen with the force of a box of C4 detonating.

I feel like by saying something, I've contributed to these negative effects on his career.

Absolutely not. He did that to himself when he decided to act like a dick.

edit: Or what Barb said.

Count me in as another person who has been silent, but reading, following links, listening.

First, people kicking themselves because they've never seen anything questionable in his behavior -- please don't be harsh on yourselves. I too liked Sunil, quite a bit. But I worked in three DV shelters, and this is the 2nd guy this year whose behavior was abusive and has caught me utterly flatfooted, and left me aghast.

I am sadly in support of a ban. Look, I'm sincerely not being mememe, but I am looking at this through the lens of my experience. As someone who has engaged in destructive behaviors that hurt people I cared for, and who was given multiple chances to stop engaging in those behaviors, it was not until people I loved and respected decided that although they cared for me and wished me well in my struggles, they no longer could be an active part of my life while I was engaging in those behaviors.

It was, and continues to be, very painful. But it worked for me. To see all these people I respected and valued shun me -- my anger and fear, my justifications and rationalizations received a sledgehammer blow, and I was left naked and alone in a spotlight. It. Was. Horrible.

But it was necessary, and I know now it was incredibly hard on those who needed to remove me from their lives unless and until I demonstrated lasting change.

So I can say I feel empathy and compassion towards Sunil. I really do. But empathy doesn't mean a blank check. You have to earn forgiveness through actively and consistently analyzing and changing your behavior. Once you've shattered trust, it is very, very hard to get it back, and sometimes, it is irrevocably broken.

I thought long and hard about remaining silent and either going along with a concensus, or quietly voting. But if I remained silent, if I didn't come out and say "I have not seen this behavior, but I believe you" to the people who have been hurt by his actions, then I'd be turning my back on facing hard emotional truths.

And this year, for me, has been all about facing hard emotional truths in all of my relationships.

Behavior has consequences. I truly hope that this is a come to Jesus moment for Sunil. I think (but I can't truly know) that he didn't mean to hurt anyone -- but he did, over and over, despite being told that these behaviors were harmful.

BTDT.

But being genuinely sorry doesn't mean shit in this kind of situation; demonstrating, over and over and over again, that you are no longer a toxic person is the only thing that really matters.

I am sorry this is so rambling and long. I hope no one takes this as a self-congratulatory or...god, I don't even know. Takes this wrong. This year I've become fairly terrified and very cautious about talking when I should be listening.

I'm sick with anxiety to press post, but I will. And then I'll go back to listening again, in the sincere hope that this painful incident will eventually result in a positive.

ETA: Fixed crazy typos.