I am beginning to think that the same qualities both start and end relationships. Like "nurturing" becomes "smothering". (Not that I know because of my own puny efforts.)

My rule of thumb when assessing a relationship was more like: Does being with this person bring out the best in me? Am I my best self in this relationship?

Doesn't work with a person who isn't very self-aware and doesn't KNOW who their best self is. My psycho ex convinced me that the changes he was encouraging in me were making me a better person and bringing out parts of my personality that I hadn't explored. And the hell of it was, up to a point, that was true. I just didn't know that "Okay, I really don't like this" was the point at which we should have stopped trying to change me.

I love you java--because I totally grok the difference between "aww we are so in lurve let's wander I don't eat I live on love!" and "I want to find the restaurant". Hee!

eta: just for clarity, this was last evening, not drinking wine at this hour

I was about to look at the time and calculate east coast vs west thinking "wow that's a little early, no?"

I am beginning to think that the same qualities both start and end relationships. Like "nurturing" becomes "smothering". (Not that I know because of my own puny efforts.)

Yep!! Erika is right on.

(I love you too, smonster)

And "spontaneous" becomes "unreliable."

(obviously, chopped liver ... with no wine)

No! Most definitively not chopped liver, and a most excellent drinking companion.

Got pulled into a meeting and did the hit post and run thing.

Also, relationships hard. Whether or not that certain someone likes you isn't near as important in the long run as whether you like yourself.

Doesn't work with a person who isn't very self-aware and doesn't KNOW who their best self is.

That's true, but lack of self awareness is going to be problematic in any relationship. I was just talking about it the other day with JZ about a friend of mine who had an endless capacity to bullshit herself. Just had no internal check to see when she was rationalizing, or fabricating things out of whole cloth. I've seen more very smart people completely sunk by this issue than anything else.

ION, this stir fry came out really good. Good job brain about adding that bit of apple juice to lighten the sauce and balance the spicy.

I want one more shot. Because the last time I was somebody's girlfriend I was all apologetic and...insecure didn't cover it. I want to know what I could bring to relationship without that...it's like having to keep Hot Dog on A Stick on your job resume, otherwise.

My plan for today was to teach for half the period and then give a quiz for the second half. After lecturing for five minutes, I realized I didn't have any more lung power for talking. So, they're getting lots of extra time on the quiz.

Being in a relationship should change you.

Why? Why more than anything else? I mean, life changes you. You change with time. What's so special about a relationship that it *has* to change you? Your behaviours may change, but why does your core have to change?