Doesn't work with a person who isn't very self-aware and doesn't KNOW who their best self is.

That's true, but lack of self awareness is going to be problematic in any relationship. I was just talking about it the other day with JZ about a friend of mine who had an endless capacity to bullshit herself. Just had no internal check to see when she was rationalizing, or fabricating things out of whole cloth. I've seen more very smart people completely sunk by this issue than anything else.

ION, this stir fry came out really good. Good job brain about adding that bit of apple juice to lighten the sauce and balance the spicy.

I want one more shot. Because the last time I was somebody's girlfriend I was all apologetic and...insecure didn't cover it. I want to know what I could bring to relationship without that...it's like having to keep Hot Dog on A Stick on your job resume, otherwise.

My plan for today was to teach for half the period and then give a quiz for the second half. After lecturing for five minutes, I realized I didn't have any more lung power for talking. So, they're getting lots of extra time on the quiz.

Being in a relationship should change you.

Why? Why more than anything else? I mean, life changes you. You change with time. What's so special about a relationship that it *has* to change you? Your behaviours may change, but why does your core have to change?

Why? Why more than anything else?

I didn't say more. Though it probably will change you more because it's a more active engagement with somebody. Relationships require work, effort. Those things tend to change you.

Your behaviours may change, but why does your core have to change?

I'm not sure how anybody defines their core. But I'm certainly not the same person at my core as I was before I met Jacqueline. Why should your core be static and unchanging? Why wouldn't you want it to grow? Growth is change.

I get why it can change you. I don't get why it should change you.

I think the important difference is between Scenario A where someone loves you and you change and Scenario B where someone would love you if only you changed. Whatever the change involves. A is fine, B is fucked up. In my opinion.

I think so, too. But it's not like I know. My parents divorced, dad's in an epically unhappy second marriage, my grandma on the one side was happy for 8 sober years out of forty married to my grandpa, and on the other side? When she felt like leaving she got pregnant instead. When it comes to things like that, I'm like an inner-city child raised by television.

I don't get why it should change you.

"Should" as in a likely occurrence: "it should rain today."

Not "should" as in a directive "you should move your car or it will be towed."

Like "nurturing" becomes "smothering".

Yeah...I KNOW I'm a micromanager, and that pings D because his ex s a control freak. I do NOT compromise my organizational side, but I DO stop and ask myself or him, "Am I getting too micromanagey with this?"

And at the beginning of out relationship, he was afraid of how I would react (based on past relationships) so would not be wholly honest, but now, he's all "Yeah, and it's starting to frustrate me." So...we both work on self-awareness and honesty.

I think a good relationship won't, as was stated, compromise the core of who you are (unless you WANT that core to be change and the relationship helps you do that), but all relationships, regardless of whether they are romantic, platonic or work, involve certain amounts of compromise on both parts to be truly workable.

I've changed because of my relationship with Dan. I haven't compromised my core, but I'm more patient, more thoughtful, more loving and expressive of that love to him, my family and friends.

But my self, my bitchy, geeky, snarky, assertive, control freaky-organizational, occasionally slobby, loves-to-sleep and hermit myself up in the office for hours self? Nope. I'm still me. Warts and all.