Why? Why more than anything else?

I didn't say more. Though it probably will change you more because it's a more active engagement with somebody. Relationships require work, effort. Those things tend to change you.

Your behaviours may change, but why does your core have to change?

I'm not sure how anybody defines their core. But I'm certainly not the same person at my core as I was before I met Jacqueline. Why should your core be static and unchanging? Why wouldn't you want it to grow? Growth is change.

I get why it can change you. I don't get why it should change you.

I think the important difference is between Scenario A where someone loves you and you change and Scenario B where someone would love you if only you changed. Whatever the change involves. A is fine, B is fucked up. In my opinion.

I think so, too. But it's not like I know. My parents divorced, dad's in an epically unhappy second marriage, my grandma on the one side was happy for 8 sober years out of forty married to my grandpa, and on the other side? When she felt like leaving she got pregnant instead. When it comes to things like that, I'm like an inner-city child raised by television.

I don't get why it should change you.

"Should" as in a likely occurrence: "it should rain today."

Not "should" as in a directive "you should move your car or it will be towed."

Like "nurturing" becomes "smothering".

Yeah...I KNOW I'm a micromanager, and that pings D because his ex s a control freak. I do NOT compromise my organizational side, but I DO stop and ask myself or him, "Am I getting too micromanagey with this?"

And at the beginning of out relationship, he was afraid of how I would react (based on past relationships) so would not be wholly honest, but now, he's all "Yeah, and it's starting to frustrate me." So...we both work on self-awareness and honesty.

I think a good relationship won't, as was stated, compromise the core of who you are (unless you WANT that core to be change and the relationship helps you do that), but all relationships, regardless of whether they are romantic, platonic or work, involve certain amounts of compromise on both parts to be truly workable.

I've changed because of my relationship with Dan. I haven't compromised my core, but I'm more patient, more thoughtful, more loving and expressive of that love to him, my family and friends.

But my self, my bitchy, geeky, snarky, assertive, control freaky-organizational, occasionally slobby, loves-to-sleep and hermit myself up in the office for hours self? Nope. I'm still me. Warts and all.

On a tangent, I once read a book where two young people meet, fall in love on a short acquaintance, are separated, and then meet a number of years later. They look at each other, realize they aren't the same people at all (having changed from their life experiences) and then fall in love all over again with the new person.

Fiction, of course.

Yeah, a relationship will change you. A good relationship is one where the changes lead you to a richer, healthier life. That's part of the delight of it and, of course,it can also be a pain in the ass sometimes.

I could see how that could happen. But also why it usually doesn't. If that makes sense.

It isn't that I am better, but being with Matt makes me want to be my best. It doesn't mean I am - just that I want to hit best I can be more often.

I can't say that I've changed in any dramatic way - I think I am more me. more aggressive, clearer communicator ( not better) , more patient, more generous,and more expressive emotionally ( I am still mosty a new englander)

It is hard to tell what comes under compromise. some money issues, television is another ( he doesn't watch much), and daily schedule. but stuff that might have been a compromise in the begining isn't now.