Bitches was on fire last night, and I'm not quite sure how best to capture it. But it deserves to be kept for posterity. I re-arranged some of it for clarity.

omnis_audis we are borg. You have been assimilated!

Shir At this point, I don't really care if you all end up being three sick and twisted men who are seekretly conspiring to get my ass to the U.S. and sell my organs to experimental conceptual artists. I'll still love you.

Connie Neil Damn, she's on to us.

smonster Two sick and twisted men, one diabolical guinea pig. /pedant

billytea One pedantic diabolical guinea pig.

smonster No, duh, I'm a sick and twisted man. This is what you get for skipping meetings, billytea.

Toddson Me, I'm a dog (and no one knew!)

brenda m Dang, I keep forgetting which of us is the guinea pig.

Toddson Well, we know billytea's the echidna.

Shir Take my liver Take my hand Chop my legs 'till I cannot stand...

Sean K I'm actually a broom.

Steph L. Family Guy reference?

Sean K But of course.

Steph L. Well done. ("To be honest with you, Diane, I'm surprised.")

NoiseDesign I'm a little teapot. Short. And stout.

Jilli VoiceOfReason This is my handle. And this is my ... ::looks at both arms making handle shapes:: Dammit, I'm a sugar bowl. (And that, folks, is why I got to take a note to my parents from my kindergarten teacher. I had not learned the same song as the other kids. Thanks Dad!)

Connie Neil Oh, thank god I wasn't on a phone call when I read that and laughed.

omnis_audis Shir, I promise, even though I work for a School of the Arts, and 2 floors above my office is a ton of MFA art students, I promise I will not chop you up and sell your body parts to them for art. Chain you up in my basement, sure. But.. I'm not one for all that blood with chopping up. Then ya gotta clean. And the bleach smell. Blah. Yuck. Plus, they are art students. That's a double wammy for no money.

Natter...maybe this wouldn't be as funny if it weren't ita, but I think any woman who debates social issues can relate:

I have heard less whining from guys I have actually smashed in the nuts. It's been years since I've heard a guy pull the "well, excuse *me* for having a penis!" screaming flounce.

Buffistas do taxes:

KateP: Ooh, we need to do our taxes. I've never owed before, but M is convinced we will owe this year. We'll see. We did (finally) start putting together a baby registry tonight, so I feel all oneroused out for the time being.

Polter-Cow: I read that as a portmanteau of "onerous" and "aroused" and thought the difficulty of doing your taxes turned you on.

Matt the Bruins fan:: Hey baby, that's a mighty big deduction you've got there!

Kate P.: Heh. Nerdiest form of masochism ever?

Gudanov: Get ready to itemize, I've got the long form, baby.

In Bitches:

Shir

I would just like to point out that Ginger and Erin's awesome advices raised my cover letter from "hey, I'll be useful and shit!" level, to "My agenda may and will evoke memories of Bismarck, blood and iron wise. Hire me, bitch" level.

Truthfully, I'm a bit afraid of myself, after the final version of that cover letter. I never knew my activities and beliefs can be summed in such a way. I almost feel like adding a picture of a kitten there, for the comfort of those who will read it.

Hec, in Bitches.

DavidS The remoulade sauce I made for the TJ crabcakes was quite tasty, so now I'm going to lavish it on my...

Shit. I'm cooking a sausage but I just can't put it in that sentence without the meaning going horribly awry.

Anyway. Weenie with remoulade. Nope. Still bad.

Not amusing, exactly, but important enough to save for posterity. Bonny fides in Bitches.

Today, we talked about the reasons I'm thinking about taking this dog and my friend said something like, "Well, because you are lonely."

I just smiled, shook my head and glanced at my computer monitor. "Nope. I'm never actually lonely."

In Bitches...

Sean: I am trying to not smoke today. I'm also avoiding calling it "quitting" for the moment, to pretend it's not that bad.

Polter-Cow: You're just going on hiatus. You're not actually canceled, no, of course, you're definitely coming back midseason, for sure.

Sean: Well, I have smoked. But I'm really getting disgusted by this habit. I hate it every time I light up. I hate the way I smell, and I hate the way my mouth tastes all the time. I'm still (and have been) trying to cut down as much as I can, and working towards not smoking any more.

omnis_audis: Sean, what helped me quit, was vowing to only smoke after sex.

In Bitches

askye: If Pollyanna had Facebook it would be all in CAPS LOCK. With run on sentences.

erika in Bitches:

I think I have my outrage on sort of like a virus scan that's in the background...comes on every day, kind of slows up the works but I'm moderately able to do other things.

Burrell in Natter, keeping it real:

I'm having a flashback to a krav maga instructor saying, "when someone head butts you in real life..." and thinking, "people don't head butt me in real life." Of course, that was before I had children.