In Movies:

Steph L.: Oh, no no no. Never dis The Goonies!!!

DavidS: Not only do I dis it, I pull off its head and shit down its neck.

Then I put it inside a turducken and deep fry it. When it's golden brown and crispy, I deface it with magic markers, mocking it in pidgin French and then I bury it in a box in a hole with an atomic powered iPod set to play Celine Dion in an endless loop.

Billytea comments on the news of a garbage theft in Bitches.

Police are on the lookout for a pair of masked assailants, described as being roughly 2 feet tall, with sensitive paws and an omnivorous diet. Members of the public are cautioned not to approach them until the police have had a chance to set up the video camera.

flea: Our current potty-training efforts are continually stymied by masturbation.

Toddson: I think I hit the side effect jackpot - I sleep like a baby and it's suppressed my appetite.

Steph L.: Time to break up with Claritin.

Gudanov: While you are make lifestyle changes, maybe you should consider breaking up with the candle and embrace the light bulb. Those compact florescent bulbs are pretty cool.

Steph L.: Still electricity's unwitting slave, I see.

Gudanov: Says the person using the Internet. I'll bet you're not setting your computer on fire in order to get online.

Scrappy: Wait, you mean you can get online WITHOUT setting your computer on fire?

Toddson:

I'll bet you're not setting your computer on fire in order to get online.

although I've been tempted ....

Jessica: Wait, you mean you can get online WITHOUT setting your computer on fire?

I am on the edge of my seat waiting to learn how!?!?!?!!

connie neil: I find having banks of hamsters running in little wire wheels provides me with all the power I need. Run, my little minions! Run!

flea: I hate you, Tino in the admissions office. I hate your incompetence and complete lack of returning phone calls and emails. I barely know you, Tino, and yet, you have made me hate you.

tommyrot: You know, I think I hate Tino as well....

Gudanov: Fuck you Tino!

Barb: I think we should blame Tino for everything that goes wrong today.

tommyrot: Tino obviously caused our power outage.

Also, the outage screwed up the cafe's coffee makers. I almost had no gourmet coffee!

Bad Tino!

Frankenbuddha: Tino's responsible for these ominous clouds that are rolling in. Fuck you, Tino!

billytea: I can't even begin to tell you what Tino's been leaving in Ryan's pants.

Typo Boy: It strikes me that when the right goes nuts it never quite reaches the degree of inspired lunacy that use to afflict the far left. An actual quote:

My name is Gandalf the Violet. I shall speak in a strictly personal capacity. As such, I speak in the name of the Elves of Fangorn Forest, the Coloured Nuclei of Red Laughter, the Absent Phantom Political Movement, the Dada-Hedonist Cells, Worker’s Joy and Student Rejoicing, the Schizophrenic International, the Disturbed Clandestine Nuclei, the Chicory Tribe, the Cimbles and all the Metropolitan Indians..

tommyrot: God, how many times do I have to tell Gandalf the Violet - he doesn't speak for my Dada-Hedonist Cell....

In Bitches--

Vortex: Thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes. Had a great dinner with friends last night, and went out to dinner with the family. Dinner included my mother having a few too many and telling us that she and my dad had sex every day. AAAAAHHHHHH! Scarred for life!!! (I mean, knowing my dad, I'm not surprised, but I didn't need to KNOW)

ChiKat: Happy birthday, darlin'!! For your birthday wish, I grant you a short memory wipe. That unfortunate tidbit is now gone from your mind forever! Poof!

DavidS: ::high fives Vortex's Dad on the astral plane::

In Bitches, wrt lamenting about love (or lack there of)

Raq: Yeah, you're really missing out on the other person's random mood swings, bizarre demands, strange sleeping habits, strange eating habits, fights about money...and that's just in a healthy relationship.

Of course, you're also missing out on the potential for daily sex, but that might just be Vortex's parents.

NoiseDesign: I don't want to have daily sex with Vortex's parents. IJS.

Trudy Booth: I get a lot of that from the roommates and don't get to have sex with either one of them.

In Bitches, further considerations on love

omnis audis: I'm thinking an ad in Craigslist to start the Elenor Rigby Society or something. If we get all the lonely people together, might have a better chance of them not being so lonely.

tommyrot: Yeah. Or else maybe we'd end up with all the lonely people in one big room, with everyone saying, "God, the rest of you all suck."

Trudy Booth: At least we'd finally find out where the hell they all come from.