Erika, I do Jedi Mind Tricks on my husband all the time. It's actually not as fun as you'd think.

"Make more pie! And cancel that trip!"

Fay, in Bitches:

I was talking about it with another colleague - she taught Year 5 (which I'm teaching this year) last year, and we were comparing notes wrt parental craziness about the trip. And then she told me about her First Ever School Trip, back when she was a newly-minted teacher, all wet behind the ears. And I have to share this story with you.

So, my friend (let's call her Nat, because - well, because it's her name, damn it) was leading this group of kids on a trip to Dudley Zoo. Do not imagine a big sexy fantastic cutting edge zoo, ladies and gentlemen across the pond - this is Dudley. It's...I can't think of a USian equivalent, but we're not talking London, Paris, Rome, New York, Dudley in terms of sophistication here.

Ahem. Anyway, so, off they went to the zoo. And of course you're always freaking out about health and safety, and trying to predict who's going to barf on the bus, and counting heads every five minutes to check nobody's suddenly spontaneously combusted, or whatever, but it all went pretty smoothly. The kids looked at the animals, and they bought candy and cheap rubbish in the gift shop, and had their packed lunches, and all went according to plan. They rounded the kids up in time to get them all on the bus, and headed back to school, knackered but satisfied in a job well done.

Only...there was this smell. This most unfortunate smell. So, grimly, Nat went up and down the aisle of the bus, asking kids to check their shoes to find out who'd stood in something unfortunate. And she couldn't find anything. And the smell didn't go away. Indeed, if anything, it became more noticeable. She searched the bus, following her nose, and eventually found this kid all zipped up in his jacket, looking shiftily up at her. She looked down at him. He looked up at her. Beads of cold sweat stood out on his forehead. The stench was at its most pervasive right there, around the kid.

Nat tried to figure out how best to ask if he had crapped himself without humiliating him for all time before his friends.

And then she noticed his jacket twitching, and a hideous suspicion dawned upon her, and she got him to open his jacket.

And discovered that he had stolen a penguin.

...

...

...

So of course they do a frantic U-Turn and go hurtling back to the zoo, penguin in tow, and have to march kid and penguin off the bus to go and return the penguin to the zookeepers.

He stole a fucking penguin.

is still awed

Bitches demonstrates why I love you people:

WindSparrow: Is it wrong of me to get a bit shirty over book spoilers casually dropped in entries on my LJ flist? It's not a huge plot spoiler - in fact does not touch on the plot at all, but still, if I were reading it for the first time in the book itself, it would be a bit of a HSQ moment in re: character background.

Polter-Cow: Andi, I'm very spoilerphobic, so I'd be annoyed as well, but shirtiness would depend on the magnitude.

tommyrot: How shirty would you be if I told you that in the Bible, Jesus dies?

Polter-Cow: DUDE. I HAVEN'T READ IT YET.

billytea: Just as well he left out the SHOCKING PLOT TWIST.

Miracleman filks in Bitches:

Elric the pasty emo
Had white skin and crimson eyes
And if you ever met him
You would see how much he cries
All of the other Imrryr
Used to laugh and call him names
They never let poor Elric
Join in any Imrryr games

Then one bloody, mis'rable day
Arioch came to say
"Elric with your skin so white
Won't! You be my slave tonight?"

Now all the other Imrryr
Are burnt to ash and smold'ring coals
'Cause Elric the pasty emo
Has a sword that feasts on souls!

Strega gets drunk in Movies (pass it on):

Hey, I had to type xenomorph while I was drunk. A couple of times! And y'all don't even know. I'm good at proofreading things to make it look like I'm only kinda drunk. It's a lot like when I was recapping! Um, ahem. But if there was no proofreading I'd be posting faster and also my posts would be like this

ita theey're called xonoxen zin fuck zeno fuckfuck xemo no zeno no X E N O M O R P H
s
is what they are
called by people sometimes but;eoplle oh shit poe^b^beople that are like ne pg fuck this noise

So see what you're missing? I know.

Hec and Trudy go at it in the Lurkers thread:

DavidS: Okay, I admit that cat owners are needy, though. You got me there.

Trudy Booth: icenay otay akemay ethay urkerslay eelfay ecomeway

::SMILES BIG AWKWARD PTA SMILE::

Welcome into the light, guys! See? We're not scary!

DavidS: That's the difference between lurkers and newbies.

The lurkers have seen this before.

Trudy Booth: Which renders it polite and warm?

And, as so often happens, JZ comes up with the perfect description:

It was like a double salchow/triple lutz combination move of wounded-parent bigotry.

Dana, in Natter:

This is the most glorious Scola idea since chopsticks and Cheetos.

Shriftian goodness:

As soon as I figure out how to accomplish things wholly through the power of my mind, a whole lot of people are going to get punched in the crotch simultaneously.

ND weighs in on the Taco Bell discussion in Natter:

Taco Bell is American food on vacation in Mexico wearing a tacky sombrero.