So, my niecelet is on a plane and heading up here right now. Things have not exactly been good at home for her. And I, dutiful aunt, just called my brother and sister in law's house to tell them where she was. This panic can go away any time now. In theory, the hard part is over. Yay?

Why do I keep reading the aish.com dating columns? I know that they're full of stuff that makes me roll my eyes, like this latest:

Work hard on honing your list, limit it to ten items, and then prioritize it. As you date people, stick to your list no matter what. If your heart tells you one thing and your list tells you another, listen to your list. That is your litmus test to determine if you are on the right track or not.

After a date, sit down with your list to see if your date has at least half of the items on your list. If they don't, they are not for you. If they do, go out again. Simple as that. You'd be surprised at the extraordinary amount of love, devotion, and chemistry that grows when someone is meeting your true, deep needs -- even if in the beginning there is minimal attraction.

but I can't stop reading it.

(I can't even find any logical reason to keep reading it. The letters sections are full of people saying "I've been dating using your methods for a year now," but very few people who complete that sentence with "and I met the person I'm going to marry." Because these dating methods are nuts. It's explicitly stated that the point is to get engaged within six months or a year.)

That's pretty crazy. But fascinating. I'm going to try not to start reading it, though, since I will be waking up in 5 hours or so.

What is aish? I'm scared to go there now.

Of course, I'm also restraining myself from putting an ad on craigslist, because I'd rather give meeting people in person a shot (what can I say? I'm picky on physical attraction, so online dating rarely works). But boredom and internet are a dangerous combination...

I've met some pretty great dates on the internet. But not so much craigslist. I'm a big fan of OK Cupid.

What is aish? I'm scared to go there now.

It's a Jewish group. Their stated purpose is to get less-religious Jews to become more religious. They're somewhat cult-like. And they focus a whole lot of getting Jews to marry other Jews.

(I've got a friend who went to study at their program in Israel. There were several months when she was learning and not interacting with guys at all, and then a few months of dating with the intention of marriage -- the head of the women's school would set up dates with the head of the men's school. She ended up coming back to the states and marrying a religious Jewish guy that she'd been seeing on and off before going to Israel.)

I haven't tried to meet someone in so long, I'm not even sure I would remember how.

I will say that I'm not sure that a list would've helped me, in as much as I was dating a guy who would have met all but one thing I would like, but I cheated on him with the guy (I eventually married) who I told "I just need to date someone like you." Take that as you will.

Also, I have tried to keep up, but between being drugged (wicked cold) and the weekend I don't remember much except that there's much good vibage needed for my bitches. All I have is yours.

Edited to close quotes-still drugged

So odd, Hil. I can tell you know why I married my DH, and I guess that if I had made a list some of those things would be on it. However, I dated a lot of guys that were smart, readers, and more or less serious- minded people. Oddly, a number of guys I dated, but not so seriously - had one major thing in common with Matt , and that is enthusiasm for life. I think you have to date some people you know aren't forever to know what you really want. and Honestly, it is only looking back that I can say which guys had what characteristics in common with DH.

Eep, Cass, hope the hardest part is, in fact, behind you. Anti-panic~ma, and best of luck to you and niecelet.

{{{Darcey and her people}}}

I got nothing on dating strategies. Or tactics. My mom had a friend in college who made a list of the qualities she wanted in a husband, and found a guy that met them all, and it apparently worked out okay for her. My sister-in-law met a guy on j-date who was perfect for her on paper but who eventually cheated on her and broke her heart. So, who knows?

Edited because wow my typing is bad. I blame NaNoWriMo

I think much depends on what's on your list. Right before I met DH I realized that every person I had ever dated up to that point had been deeply ambivalent about the relationship, and I decided that I was tired of that dynamic, I wanted someone who was madly in love with me for a change. Turns out I'm way happier when I don't have to second guess the relationship.

And they focus a whole lot of getting Jews to marry other Jews.

You know, I'm always surprised at how many otherwise secular Jews feel this way. I know a lot of women who aren't deeply religious who feel they can only marry a Jew.