What is aish? I'm scared to go there now.

It's a Jewish group. Their stated purpose is to get less-religious Jews to become more religious. They're somewhat cult-like. And they focus a whole lot of getting Jews to marry other Jews.

(I've got a friend who went to study at their program in Israel. There were several months when she was learning and not interacting with guys at all, and then a few months of dating with the intention of marriage -- the head of the women's school would set up dates with the head of the men's school. She ended up coming back to the states and marrying a religious Jewish guy that she'd been seeing on and off before going to Israel.)

I haven't tried to meet someone in so long, I'm not even sure I would remember how.

I will say that I'm not sure that a list would've helped me, in as much as I was dating a guy who would have met all but one thing I would like, but I cheated on him with the guy (I eventually married) who I told "I just need to date someone like you." Take that as you will.

Also, I have tried to keep up, but between being drugged (wicked cold) and the weekend I don't remember much except that there's much good vibage needed for my bitches. All I have is yours.

Edited to close quotes-still drugged

So odd, Hil. I can tell you know why I married my DH, and I guess that if I had made a list some of those things would be on it. However, I dated a lot of guys that were smart, readers, and more or less serious- minded people. Oddly, a number of guys I dated, but not so seriously - had one major thing in common with Matt , and that is enthusiasm for life. I think you have to date some people you know aren't forever to know what you really want. and Honestly, it is only looking back that I can say which guys had what characteristics in common with DH.

Eep, Cass, hope the hardest part is, in fact, behind you. Anti-panic~ma, and best of luck to you and niecelet.

{{{Darcey and her people}}}

I got nothing on dating strategies. Or tactics. My mom had a friend in college who made a list of the qualities she wanted in a husband, and found a guy that met them all, and it apparently worked out okay for her. My sister-in-law met a guy on j-date who was perfect for her on paper but who eventually cheated on her and broke her heart. So, who knows?

Edited because wow my typing is bad. I blame NaNoWriMo

I think much depends on what's on your list. Right before I met DH I realized that every person I had ever dated up to that point had been deeply ambivalent about the relationship, and I decided that I was tired of that dynamic, I wanted someone who was madly in love with me for a change. Turns out I'm way happier when I don't have to second guess the relationship.

And they focus a whole lot of getting Jews to marry other Jews.

You know, I'm always surprised at how many otherwise secular Jews feel this way. I know a lot of women who aren't deeply religious who feel they can only marry a Jew.

You know, I'm always surprised at how many otherwise secular Jews feel this way. I know a lot of women who aren't deeply religious who feel they can only marry a Jew.

If it's someone who's planning on having kids, I can absolutely understand it. It's not about religion, it's about cultural identity.

dog~ma for Darcey.

I think much depends on what's on your list.

Yeah, I once broke up with a great guy who I just knew wasn't for me. It was a very hard decision. One of the best post-break-up exercises (maybe from John Grey?) I did was make one list of reasons why he wasn't right for me and another of qualities and characteristics I wish he had embodied. Personally, it's all too easy for me to get caught up in the whoa! and so I keep it as a reminder of what actually makes me happy in the long run.

Cass, I hope that things can get better for your niece - I'm sure that spending time with you will help her, but from what you have said, it may not improve things with her mother.

(I can't even find any logical reason to keep reading it. The letters sections are full of people saying "I've been dating using your methods for a year now," but very few people who complete that sentence with "and I met the person I'm going to marry." Because these dating methods are nuts. It's explicitly stated that the point is to get engaged within six months or a year.)

Where do they address the "someone asks my ass out" part?