So odd, Hil. I can tell you know why I married my DH, and I guess that if I had made a list some of those things would be on it. However, I dated a lot of guys that were smart, readers, and more or less serious- minded people. Oddly, a number of guys I dated, but not so seriously - had one major thing in common with Matt , and that is enthusiasm for life. I think you have to date some people you know aren't forever to know what you really want. and Honestly, it is only looking back that I can say which guys had what characteristics in common with DH.

Eep, Cass, hope the hardest part is, in fact, behind you. Anti-panic~ma, and best of luck to you and niecelet.

{{{Darcey and her people}}}

I got nothing on dating strategies. Or tactics. My mom had a friend in college who made a list of the qualities she wanted in a husband, and found a guy that met them all, and it apparently worked out okay for her. My sister-in-law met a guy on j-date who was perfect for her on paper but who eventually cheated on her and broke her heart. So, who knows?

Edited because wow my typing is bad. I blame NaNoWriMo

I think much depends on what's on your list. Right before I met DH I realized that every person I had ever dated up to that point had been deeply ambivalent about the relationship, and I decided that I was tired of that dynamic, I wanted someone who was madly in love with me for a change. Turns out I'm way happier when I don't have to second guess the relationship.

And they focus a whole lot of getting Jews to marry other Jews.

You know, I'm always surprised at how many otherwise secular Jews feel this way. I know a lot of women who aren't deeply religious who feel they can only marry a Jew.

You know, I'm always surprised at how many otherwise secular Jews feel this way. I know a lot of women who aren't deeply religious who feel they can only marry a Jew.

If it's someone who's planning on having kids, I can absolutely understand it. It's not about religion, it's about cultural identity.

dog~ma for Darcey.

I think much depends on what's on your list.

Yeah, I once broke up with a great guy who I just knew wasn't for me. It was a very hard decision. One of the best post-break-up exercises (maybe from John Grey?) I did was make one list of reasons why he wasn't right for me and another of qualities and characteristics I wish he had embodied. Personally, it's all too easy for me to get caught up in the whoa! and so I keep it as a reminder of what actually makes me happy in the long run.

Cass, I hope that things can get better for your niece - I'm sure that spending time with you will help her, but from what you have said, it may not improve things with her mother.

(I can't even find any logical reason to keep reading it. The letters sections are full of people saying "I've been dating using your methods for a year now," but very few people who complete that sentence with "and I met the person I'm going to marry." Because these dating methods are nuts. It's explicitly stated that the point is to get engaged within six months or a year.)

Where do they address the "someone asks my ass out" part?

I dunno, Hil, I think cultural identity finds a way of replicating itself, but maybe that's the half-Jew in me talking.

I dunno, Hil, I think cultural identity finds a way of replicating itself, but maybe that's the half-Jew in me talking.

Case in point. My mother married someone who never learned French and she never spoke to me in French growing up. And yet, after a brief stint in business school and investment counsulting, I eventually became a French professor, and now an editor of French books. The blood, she is strong.