I think much depends on what's on your list. Right before I met DH I realized that every person I had ever dated up to that point had been deeply ambivalent about the relationship, and I decided that I was tired of that dynamic, I wanted someone who was madly in love with me for a change. Turns out I'm way happier when I don't have to second guess the relationship.
And they focus a whole lot of getting Jews to marry other Jews.
You know, I'm always surprised at how many otherwise secular Jews feel this way. I know a lot of women who aren't deeply religious who feel they can only marry a Jew.
You know, I'm always surprised at how many otherwise secular Jews feel this way. I know a lot of women who aren't deeply religious who feel they can only marry a Jew.
If it's someone who's planning on having kids, I can absolutely understand it. It's not about religion, it's about cultural identity.
I think much depends on what's on your list.
Yeah, I once broke up with a great guy who I just knew wasn't for me. It was a very hard decision. One of the best post-break-up exercises (maybe from John Grey?) I did was make one list of reasons why he wasn't right for me and another of qualities and characteristics I wish he had embodied. Personally, it's all too easy for me to get caught up in the whoa! and so I keep it as a reminder of what actually makes me happy in the long run.
Cass, I hope that things can get better for your niece - I'm sure that spending time with you will help her, but from what you have said, it may not improve things with her mother.
(I can't even find any logical reason to keep reading it. The letters sections are full of people saying "I've been dating using your methods for a year now," but very few people who complete that sentence with "and I met the person I'm going to marry." Because these dating methods are nuts. It's explicitly stated that the point is to get engaged within six months or a year.)
Where do they address the "someone asks my ass out" part?
I dunno, Hil, I think cultural identity finds a way of replicating itself, but maybe that's the half-Jew in me talking.
I dunno, Hil, I think cultural identity finds a way of replicating itself, but maybe that's the half-Jew in me talking.
Case in point. My mother married someone who never learned French and she never spoke to me in French growing up. And yet, after a brief stint in business school and investment counsulting, I eventually became a French professor, and now an editor of French books. The blood, she is strong.
I dunno, Hil, I think cultural identity finds a way of replicating itself, but maybe that's the half-Jew in me talking.
Do you think your kids will identify as Jewish?
(I can't find a way to ask that question that doesn't sound accusatory. But that's totally not how I meant it. Mostly, just curious. Most of my cousins within my generation -- I'm the youngest of my generation, and some of the "my generation" cousins are close to twenty years older than me -- married non-Jews, and only one of them is raising the kids Jewish. The others bring their kids to Grandma's for Passover and Chanukah, but they have Christmas and Easter at home.)
It's annoying, because I can't even imagine putting myself out there if I was completely against the idea of a relationship. What's the point?
I am Gris and it drives me up a damn wall!
I wanted someone who was madly in love with me for a change. Turns out I'm way happier when I don't have to second guess the relationship.
Agreed. It's just a matter of it being nice to know where things stand.
