O come let us adore him?

What what?

Dude. I have the Ella Fitzgerald version of Old MacDonald stuck in my head. This is not going to be pretty. I may have to hook the damn 'pod into the speakers and blare it to Get It OUT.

It isn't her choice to be upset with me over boundary-setting; it's not like she's in control of her neurosis, you know? I know it'll upset her, and I don't want that.

Zenkitty, I hope you take this the way I intend it, which is with your well-being in mind:

Yes, it is her choice to be upset with you over boundary-setting. Unless she's clinically mentally ill and unable to distinguish reality from her own internal world, then yes, she chooses to be upset with you when you say you can't talk while at work.

Adults set boundaries, even with family members. Other adults recognize that boundaries exist and are necessary and good. Your boundary of "Please don't call with trauma while I'm at work" might annoy your sister, or inconvenience her, and that's normal. But becoming upset about it *is* her choice.

Your actions don't cause her feelings. Your actions lead her to think something, and then her emotional reaction is based on what she thinks about your action.

You say, "Sis, I want to help, but work is crazy; I'll call you tonight."

Sis can either (a) recognize that you have a job and a life and, as such, you can't always respond to her needs as the exact moment that she expresses them, although because she's under a lot of stress she might *prefer* that you do; or (b) think that you *must* respond to her needs immediately, regardless of the circumstances of your life.

Choice (a) would lead her to not be upset, but just, like I said, annoyed, and/or her current level of stress would stay the same. Choice (b) would lead her to be upset, because she thinks that you are being unreasonable and unaccomodating and abandoning her for not meeting her need immediately.

I don't mean to be harsh towards your sister. Not at all. But it also doesn't sound like you're doing her any favors by letting her upset you at work and drain you emotionally. Certainly it isn't good for you.

t edit Er, uh, I'll take a page from Aimee's book and remove my therapist hat now, too....

There's a ton of boozy goodness in my boss' office. Will that help?

Couldn't hurt....

Juliana is going to be the first person on the Super-Double-Plus-Naughty List.

That's the one with the really fun porn, isn't it? Besides, you're the one who dubbed me "Trouble" in the first place.

Noted, Pete.

t puts on "What Steph Said!" hoodie

We love you , Zen.

Zenkitty, Steph's wise in this regard. And while it's really hard to draw those boundries, it will ultimately be healthier for both of you.

I wish I could make it easier for you.

Aw. Thanks for the advice, all. Steph, you are of course right. But your post also made me realize - it's also my choice to get upset, too.

So I'm not gonna. Deep breath, count blessings, thank friends, back to work.

And thanks for the glitter and chocolate and love, y'all. Means a lot to me.

{{Zenkitty}}

In meme news.... holy fuck.

I've just been informed that I will be moved out of my current job and into another position here. Instead of taking care of the tutoring program, I will be creating a new program that will have students creating accounts to get supplies (this is a lame description, but I'm not really clear on the whole thing yet.)

In short, I am completely blindsided and gobsmacked.

The Good:
- Clearly, I'm not fired, which is always a good thing.
- They think highly enough of me that I was selected to start this brand new program. (Apparently other departments are fighting over me too. I'd be flattered, if I didn't feel vaguely nauseous...)
- I'll be starting a program, rather than managing an existing program, and if it's successful it would be a gold star for me.
- There's apparently more room for upward movement and pay raises in that department, which is not limited by federal funding issues, as my current position is.
- I still have a job.

The Bad (maybe?):
- No pay raise. (OK, yeah, still have a job, but if you really think this much of me? Financial compensation would not be amiss.)
- I'm changing jobs YET AGAIN after one year against my will.
- I actually care about the job I do, and while I think the person that's going to be doing it will be competent and do well, I have a personal investment in it and want it to do well.
- In the next week to two weeks, I have to bring all the multiple strings that I have tied around my fingers at any one point together enough to hand them off to someone else, AND be able to explain what the hell I'm giving her.
- Above all, I want to get THE HELL out of this place, and instead I seem to keep getting cemented here more and more.

I need a drink.

it's also my choice to get upset, too.

Very true.

And it's our choice to go cluestick her.

Totally just kidding.

Want to help me and juliana in our boozing it up? Nothing replaces family angst like drinking.

One of the things we have learned from our therapist is that if she starts exhibiting behavior(s) that we don't like or want to be involved with, we disengage.

This was one of the valuable lessons from the Shamu article.

Except it had a fancy animal trainer name like Least Reinforcing Behavior.

Nothing replaces family angst like drinking.

Hick

Ayup.