Aw. Thanks for the advice, all. Steph, you are of course right. But your post also made me realize - it's also my choice to get upset, too.

So I'm not gonna. Deep breath, count blessings, thank friends, back to work.

And thanks for the glitter and chocolate and love, y'all. Means a lot to me.

{{Zenkitty}}

In meme news.... holy fuck.

I've just been informed that I will be moved out of my current job and into another position here. Instead of taking care of the tutoring program, I will be creating a new program that will have students creating accounts to get supplies (this is a lame description, but I'm not really clear on the whole thing yet.)

In short, I am completely blindsided and gobsmacked.

The Good:
- Clearly, I'm not fired, which is always a good thing.
- They think highly enough of me that I was selected to start this brand new program. (Apparently other departments are fighting over me too. I'd be flattered, if I didn't feel vaguely nauseous...)
- I'll be starting a program, rather than managing an existing program, and if it's successful it would be a gold star for me.
- There's apparently more room for upward movement and pay raises in that department, which is not limited by federal funding issues, as my current position is.
- I still have a job.

The Bad (maybe?):
- No pay raise. (OK, yeah, still have a job, but if you really think this much of me? Financial compensation would not be amiss.)
- I'm changing jobs YET AGAIN after one year against my will.
- I actually care about the job I do, and while I think the person that's going to be doing it will be competent and do well, I have a personal investment in it and want it to do well.
- In the next week to two weeks, I have to bring all the multiple strings that I have tied around my fingers at any one point together enough to hand them off to someone else, AND be able to explain what the hell I'm giving her.
- Above all, I want to get THE HELL out of this place, and instead I seem to keep getting cemented here more and more.

I need a drink.

it's also my choice to get upset, too.

Very true.

And it's our choice to go cluestick her.

Totally just kidding.

Want to help me and juliana in our boozing it up? Nothing replaces family angst like drinking.

One of the things we have learned from our therapist is that if she starts exhibiting behavior(s) that we don't like or want to be involved with, we disengage.

This was one of the valuable lessons from the Shamu article.

Except it had a fancy animal trainer name like Least Reinforcing Behavior.

Nothing replaces family angst like drinking.

Hick

Ayup.

Or OAO for short.

Now I'm earwormed with the marching theme from the Wizard of Oz.

OAO! AOO! OAO! AOO!

I am so sorry that family is causing you so much stress and that you don't get anything back from them. You make sure to take care of yourself first.

This. This. This. So very this.

Zenkitty, so many wise things have been said already. The best thing you can do for your sister is to take care of yourself - live your life, do your job, enforce your boundaries. Letting your sister cross the reasonable lines you draw doesn't really do her any good. Oh, it may help her put a smiley face on, but it won't really cause her to be healthier. Learning that she has to respect your boundaries may clue her in to how she can make her own boundaries (and I'd bet a month's pay that that is something she dearly needs to do for herself).

One of life's hardest lessons to learn is that we cannot fix anyone but ourselves. Somehow your sister has gotten the idea that you should fix her (oh but how likely is it that what she wants from you is for you to make her feel better, rather than to really be better?). And you are feeling that obligation to fix her. Bad news.

Re: the terrible story my coworker told (dog lovers especially should not scroll over.) I'm paraphrasing because most of the time he was talking I was loudly asking him to stop so I missed most of his actual words.

I wanted to buy a puppy as a present for my nephew in Taiwan while I was there. I saw some of the cutest fattest puppies for sale at this open air market.

At this point I could see where it was going and I started asking him to please not go on.

So I picked out the cutest one and asked the shopkeeper if I could buy it. I paid him and he said he'd be right back and took the puppy into the back of the shop for a moment.

Gosh I don't even want to type it, Y'all see where this is going don't you? But I asked him several times to stop. If we had been standing somewhere I would have walked away but I was sitting at a desk in the office trying to work.

re: Kids obsessed with death. This is me. Also, when I was in grade school my parents (oh the poor things) found out I was a "genius." The school gave them a packet with some information on how to deal with me. One of the things in there was a list of ways to recognize if your child is a genius. I don't remember most of them but one of them was an unnatural preoccupation with death.

edited because I can spell.

one of them was an unnatural proccupation with death.

And you ended up watching TV shows about vampires. Go figure....

I still have paralyzing moments when I remember that I am not going on forever. Sometimes these moments last for days.