In Bitches, context be damned.

Trudy Booth: I can't out- whore a Thai hooker, just out- blow one.

billytea: My sincere apologies for having misrepresented the appropriate frame of reference with which to compare you to a Thai hooker.

MM on Fuckcakes in Bitches:

So right there with you. Can you explain to this guy who has called like 6 times that my coworker's phone isn't broken, he's just at lunch?

I hate this:

Fuckcake: "I have Problem X."

Me: "That's a Payroll issue. I will alert them. They will investigate and call you back."

FC: "Thank you."

1 hour later:

Phone: *ring*

FC: "Any answer on my problem? Which is Problem X? Which, in excrutiating detail, involves blahblahblahblahforeversticks with tartar sauce?"

Me: "Yes, FC, I understand your problem. I'm the one you spoke to earlier. I hate tartar sauce. Payroll is investigating and someone will call you."

FC: "Thank you."

A half hour later:

Phone: *ring. Again.*

FC: "Any answer yet on my Problem X, the painful details of which are blahblahblahblahwould you like tartar sauce with that?"

Me: "No. Not yet. Payroll. Will. Call. You."

FC: "Thank you."

Fifteen minutes later:

Phone: *Ring. Sorry.*

FC: "Is there, perhaps, an answer regarding my Problem X, regarding which I have composed an epic poem in the style of the Nordic Sagas with tartar sauce?"

Me: "Grrr. No. Payroll. Call. You."

FC: "Thank you."

Five minutes later:

Phone: *Uh. Ring?*

Me: "No."

Phone: *Uh. Yeah. Um. Ring?*

Me: "I said no."

Phone: *Er. Ringy-dingy?*

Me: "I hate you with a passionate heat as burning as a thousand suns."

Phone: *Just the messenger, dude. Ring.*

FC: "Hi. I was wondering if Problem X, now reaching its tenth volume as far as descriptive and repetitive details go, has had any..."

Me: "I know where you live."

FC: "...are you going to bring tartar sauce?"

Me: "Yes. Tartar sauce of death."

FC: "I'll just wait for Payroll to call, then. *aggrieved sigh*"

Me: "Thank you!"

on grammar, in bitches

omnis_audis:

imagine that. You put on the airplane blindfold thingie, turn off all alarms, and leave the heater on, and voilà! You sleep until 2:30!!!

Now I am hungry, especially after reading all those food posts.

And somehow, I also wonder if y'all cringe at my posts, as my grammar, spelling, & punctuation are not always up to snuff.

WindSparrow:

Nah, Omnis... the cringe-worthy stuff isn't screw-ups from people who are at least trying to post in a reasonable fashion. Very few of us are perfect here. But there are any number of people who are not like us who think l337speak and txt-ese are the bright future of written communication. It's like the tele-keyboard is a hoarde of entitled Normans, standard writing is Old English, and we are a handful of rag-tag Anglo-Saxons.

context shmontext

Polter-Cow:

I suppose you would have to be a moron to fuck cake.

Laura: Your pictures are making me realize my life isn't tropical enough.

Emily in Natter:

Obama is so all-around wonderful, warm, and endearing that I feel like he must eat baby seals and plan the world's destruction in his spare time.

JZ (context be damned):

What were you, raised by weasels after the wolves ran away screaming?

Actually, it didn't make me laugh -- just smile and smile and smile

Tom Scola: You know, I'm really not invested in any candidate, so I don't care too much who wins. But man, is it really satisfying to watch Rudy Giuliani lose.

In Natter

Sue: Singularly, we are fluffy bunnies. Collectively, we may seem to be a gang of rabid killer rabbits.

In Natter --

Vortex: I once had a parent call me because the internet wasn't working his kid's dorm room.

ita: My son can't view his porn!