In VM, Cindy breaks up with Buffy, and it must be preserved, dammit:

Skipping completely, because I'm about 2/3s of the way through season 1, to make my very first post inspired by actually watching Veronica Mars.

A Long Time Ago, We Used to Be Friends...

Buffy, I'm not sure how to start this, but I think we really need to clear the air.

Great. I was really jonesing for another heartbreaking sewer talk.

Please, Buff. Not to go all cliche-y, but this is going to hurt me more than it's going to hurt you. I'm just going to get right to the point. I've...I've...I've been...seeing someone else. In some ways, she reminds me of you. She's really something. She's vulnerable, but incredibly smart, spunky, and possessed of an inner strength that puts me in mind of...

I've had it with super-strong little women who aren't me.

I understand, Buffy...Please know, it's not you. It's me.

People don't fall in love with what's right in front of them. People want the dream. What they can't have. The more unattainable, the more attractive.

Xander, don't. Okay? First of all, you've missed the point, entirely. Secondly, and most importantly, this is between Buffy and me.

I'll just go home, lie down, and listen to country music, the music of pain.

Xander, I'm sorry. I love you all, but...I'm sorry.

Oh, as usual, dear.

Giles, I can't. Not you. Not now. This is about Buffy. You remember Buffy, right? You don't really want me to remind you and everyone else what kind of condition she was in when you walked away, do you? 'Cause if we play who-stayed-with-Buffy-through-what-and-when? I'm gonna win.

Now, Buffy, I've been thinking. About our future. And the more I do, the more I feel like us - you and me being together - is unfair to...

You wanna hurt me, hurt me. You leave her out of this.

Oz, not you, too. I thought you'd get it. Sometimes, I'm sitting looking at my dust bunnies... I'm not thinking about housework, 'cause that would never happen. I think about watching you. And it's like everything stops. It's like, it's like freeze frame. Buffy viewage. But...

But...Freeze frame!

Will, to the casual observer, it would appear that you're trying to stand up for your friend Buffy, or even the score or something Will, but you've got a new series now Will, and that's on the empty side. Not to mention, I not only saw Xander with Bradley Cooper, Will—I've seen you with her. Cordelia, too. And Sarah's working on some movie, that I don't even know if I'll be able to stand watching, because she's playing some porn actress or something. See, in my fantasy when I'm watching her, she's Buffy Summers, Will.

How come you keep saying my name like that?

Like what, Will?

Are you freaked?

What? No, W—No! Absolutely no to that question. Please though, let me talk to Buffy.

What the bleeding hell is wrong with you bloody women? What the hell does it take? Why do you bitches torture me?

Spike. Which question do you want me to answer first?

I'm at the end of my bleeding tether! I don't know why I even bother! It's your fault. You're to blame for all this, you know.

Spike, if your movie ever comes to pass, you know I'll be there. And if Sarah had wanted to make a season 8, I would have been there too, despite my dissatisfaction with the execution of season 7. I watched you on Angel, didn't I? I even liked you on Angel. I have been more than fair to you over the years, but I need something right now.

Now, Buffy, it's time I moved forward...

Don't walk away from me, Bitch!

I'm sorry, Buffy. You know how much I love you. It kills me to say this—

Then don't! who are you to tell me what's right for me!? You think I've never thought about this stuff?

Have you? Rationally?

No, I'm just a swoony little schoolgirl, right?

I'm trying to do what's right here—I'm trying to think with my head instead of my heart—

What heart? You have a heart? It isn't even beating!

Hey, it is, too! Aw Buffy, please don't.

Don't what? Don't love you? I'm sorry, nobody told me I had a choice! I can't just change—I'll never change. I want you to...

I don't.

Don't—want to post about me? I can't believe you're breaking up with me...

It doesn't mean I won't post about you. There's a certain quality to Veronica Mars that puts me in mind of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I know the constant comparison irks a lot of Mars fans, but...

You never get even a little tired of hearing yourself talk, do you?

Buffy, I will never leave you, it's just that it is confusing to only post about you. When I watch and post about something else from time to time, it's easier. It hurts—every day—but I live with it. Now you're right here, and I can actually hear you, ...it's more than confusing...it's unbearable.

You know, I'm on the brink of something back in Rome... I'm actually heading towards a pretty good life. Now that...

I'm not saying I don't watch you, Buffy. You know how much... I'm just saying...

Are you going to pull a pie chart out now? Because it's not necessary. I think I got it.

Buffy, maybe you'll feel better if I tell you a little about her. She's a kid, right? In high school. And her best friend is murdered. Her dad loses his job as Sheriff, trying to hunt down the killer. She finds out the boy she's in love with (brother to her dead best friend) might be her half brother. And she keeps soldiering on. She tracks down her mother, who abandoned the family in its hour of need, and tries to get her off the sauce. She helps a snarky boy (who's been little more than a wise ass to her) deal with his mother's death. She's witty, and knows how to put on a tough front. She's...she's...I'm sorry, Buffy. I'm sorry, I just...

If you apologize to me I will beat you to death.

This is not gonna happen.

You gonna stop me? 'Cause you're gonna have to.

Don't do this.

There's no way I'm letting her— What got you? Did she cry? Pouty lips, heaving bosom—I thought you needed help.

She has no bosom. Even at your most anorexic, you were much more with the heaving. You think I wanted this to happen?

You should have told me what was going on.

I didn't think—I didn't think it was your business.

Not my business?

I needed more time with Veronica. I'm not sure—

You needed—Do you have any idea what it feels like to see you with her? That you would, behind my back—

Is it me, or is your heart not in this?

Come on. Let's finish it. You and me.

You never learn, do you? This wasn't about you. This was never about you. And you fall for it every single time!

Oh shut it, Angelus. Still Buff, he has a point. This wasn't about you. This was about watching a little new TV from time to time. That's what I do here and you're not a part of it, but that was your idea, remember. We stay away from each other.

I came because you were in danger.

What? I'm not in danger. I'm just talking about posting about another TV show, once in a while.

I've got a right to it.

You gave up that right when you decided to end your show. Or when Sarah did. Whatever. You know what I mean.

You know, I have someone in my life now. That I love. It's not what we had, it's very new. You know what makes it new? I trust him. I know him.

Yeah. About the Immortal, Buff... Oh, wait a second. I see what you're doing here. You're trying to get me to post about you, when I'm trying to post about Veronica Mars. Not gonna fall for it. That's all I'm asking here. No. Not asking. Telling. That's all I'm trying to say. Once in a while, I'm going to post about Veronica Mars. As soon as we're done here, I'm going to add her to my LJ interests list.

That's great. That's nice. You've moved on. I can't. You've found someone new. I'm not allowed to. Remember? I see you again it cuts me up inside and the person I share that with is me. You don't know me anymore so don't come down here with your great new life and expect me to do things your way. Go home.

Hey, standing right here. Standing right exactly here.

I'm not coming back.

Don't be like that, Buff. We're not friends. Never were. I can fool the Buffistas. Live Journal. I can even fool Bronzers, but I can't fool my husband, or myself. Or tiggy, or Polter-Cow, or UTTAD, or Suzanne for some reason. What I want from you, I can never have. You don't have any new episodes for me, so I'm gonna post about Veronica Mars, sometimes.

I never wanted it to go that far.

I know. It's not even a question. But we've just re-watched six and a half seasons, straight through. After all that...I just need a little break. Please.

You still my girl?

Always.

History lessons, in Natter:

Jesse: The First Thanksgiving was when the whiteys and the red man sat down together!!

ita: Isn't Thanksgiving, then, a big yell of "No takebacks!!!!"?

Jesse: Um, we don't need to yell that anymore. Due to the smallpox and general genocidal tendencies of the white man. But that one day? Man, that was nice. They gave us maize and oysters and whatnot, and we gave them a big hearty handshake. The bad stuff came later.

I can't believe no one else has COMMed this yet....

ita: While we're on the topic of penises, apparently Ricky Martin demurred at Barbara Walters' questioning his sexual orientation, but has shared this information:

"I love giving the golden shower," he told Blender. "I've done it before in the shower. It's like so sexy, you know, the temperature of your body and the shower water is very different."

Interesting where different people's boundaries lie, huh?

beth b: why do people want to even tell things like that? to everyone.

tommyrot: Now for some reason I'm thinking that the odds of one enjoying golden showers are probably lower if one is colorblind.

JZ: ita, that's so unfair and sneaky of you, just posting it like that. We know not to click on your links, but that wasn't even a link! It's just--Dear God, it's just out there, like... There are no words. Now I have to go fumigate my entire head.

ita: I just got threatened by a...well, I'm not sure who she was. She called me and asked if I could help her with a problem. I explained that if it had to do with our business (she was calling from outside the company) that I couldn't help her, because I was in the IT department.

She complained that everyone else was hanging up on her, and she needed the name and number of our president. I told her I didn't have that information (it seemed less rude than telling her to fuck off and straighten out her expectations -- we're a 40,000 person company -- like she can get through to our president). She then complained and asked for our HR department's number. Which I don't have. I mean, I don't know any departmental phone numbers. I only call people. My assigned HR person, in this situation.

Woman starts ranting about reporting us to the BBB, and that she just couldn't believe I couldn't help her. I asked her where she got my number, and she said she was dialing at random. I told her to try the operator instead, and she asked for my name so she could report me too. So we can add to the number of employees here who hung up on her.

Long story short -- sorry about the pee thing, I have been punished.

Trudy: Now I want to be a psycho fan at a concert waving a big WHO ARE YOU PEEING ON, RICKY!?!?!? poster.

ita: Huh. The address of the Long Beach ferry I have to catch tomorrow morning is Golden Shore. Abbreviated on their web site as Golden Shr. Guess what won't be out of my head for another day...

And a delayed followup --

tommyrot 2:50:01 pm: Ooh, they could also have dyed the water yellow. And put up great big signs saying, "Welcome to Urinetown!"

P.M. Marcontell 5:47:45 pm: You know, I was actually expecting another Ricky Martin joke after this.

bon bon: I've reached the end of the internet!

Steph L: Ooooh -- what's it like? Is it flat? Does data just topple over the edge?

Aimée: The internets are round! They just circle and circle and circle and there is no end.

Much like it felt watching Lindsay Lohan sing last night.

Here's what you miss if oyu don't visit Minearverse:

Betsy Airplanes should be eradicated and then we would take long cushy luxurious train trips.

Matt the Bruins Fan That trans-Pacific track to Hawaii would be a bitch to lay, though.

In Natter, tommyrot pitches the next bit Sci-Fi channel hit:

The Peeps were created by man. They were created to make life easier on The European Union. And then the day came when the Peeps decided to kill their masters. After a long and bloody struggle, an armistice was declared. The Peeps left for another world to call their own. Now mankind's children are returning home!

[quoetd headline]: BBC Pulls Plug on Dalek Lesbian Romp Flick.

Theodosia: Now I really want to see Dalek Spank Inferno.

amych: Wouldn't the spank be more of a clang?