Unlike Betsy, I think the whole thing is funnier if you know the guy who, er, blew it:
Kat:
Ray Liotta has terrible skin. A college friend tried to offer him a blow job in the men's room once. When she was turned down, she was so disconsolate she tried to drown herself in the lady's room sink.
Ah, college. Good times, good times.
Plei:
Bras, on the other hand, are NOT something you find in good shape at Goodwill. Shoes can be fixed up with a bit of polish and a trip to the cobbler.
Bras cannot.
Sure, in theory, they're not something a casual viewer will spot, but a good bra is as essential as breathing.
Bras, unlike shoes, have the power to make you look a good ten pounds lighter (and perhaps even ten years younger) just by getting a proper fit.
Bras can prevent back pain.
Bras can get you free drinks.
Bras can, in a pinch, lead to world peace, harmony, and cold fusion.
In short, go bra! Choose bra!
Polter-Cow,
in Firefly, talking about a specific moment watching the feature Film
Serenity
in a theater:
about thirteen thousand gasps, followed by a "SHIT!" in the back
I almost wanted to laugh, but my heart was beating too rapidly for things to be funny.
Windsparrow,
in Bitches, "helps" PC with his continuing troubles with his mother:
P-C, if this were a sit-com, we would be contractually obligated to tell you to lie to your mother, to create an imaginary girl-friend. Not sure which would be funnier: a fictional girl-friend who fits within your mother's specifications for your apropriate mate (other than that she didn't pick the girl out herself); or, a fictional girlfriend diametrically opposed to your mother's dreams - say, an albino slut-bomb from New Jersey. Also, there is the challenge of finding someone to pretend to be your girlfriend when your parents visit. Hopefully this will be someone you actually like, because you would then be contractually obligated to fall for this girl, forcing you to give an impassioned speach about being allowed to love whomever you choose.
Wolfram in Minearverse:
"how to tell if the showrunner hates you."
10) Files all your submitted scripts under R for Recycling
9) Makes you act out particular scenes with character voices in front of the catering staff
8) Wants your next submission to be in crayon
7) Calls you Shakespeare, a lot
6) Asks if you've ever considered writing for Reality TV
5) Refers to you as the "one in every group" guy
4) Has you pitch him ideas from outside the stall
3) Tells you your punchlines make him cry
2) Uses finger quotes when discussing your "dialogue"
1) Makes you break all the news from Fox headquarters
From Bitches, sans context:
amych: "I've had a successful career as a cartoon supervillain, but the chance to put the same skills to work as a FOX executive is a long-time dream of mine".
shrift
in Natter, on keeping old love letters:
I think the only things I've ever received have been letters from stalkers, or from friends who wanted something more than platonic and thus filled me with an uncomfortableness.
I guess what I am saying is that I have an evidence log instead of a hope chest.
Allyson in Natter:
Everytime a Buffista calls someone a FUCKO, Rio gets a kiss. Like It's a Wonderful Life, with profanity and tongue.