connie neil
in
Bitches
teaches us the theology of grammar:
Can someone explain to me why there needs to be two spaces between sentences? I keep getting dinged for that when I'm writing memos, etc.
t Scene: Mount Ararat
t Time: Back in the misty reaches
t rumble
"Know that the Lord Thy God is a stern God! Thou shalt have two spaces after the period at the end of every sentence! Two spaces shalt there always be after the end punctuation!"
Moses:
t shaking his hand because of writer's cramp
"Lord, all shalt be done to Thy wishes! But--Thou doest know that--well--gosh, Boss, we're up to 23 Commandments already. Those guys have a hard enough time with the biggies like 'No god before me' and 'Thou shalt not commit adultery.' I don't think we're going to get a lot of play out of 'Two spaces after every sentence' and 'Thou shalt eat thy hot dogs without buns on Friday.' What's with that last one, anyway?"
t smaller rumble
"It's an inside joke. The right folks will get it. I know we're not going to get all this stuff, Mose. It's called bargaining room. We hand them all these, they bitch, we negotiate them down. Those first twelve are the biggies."
Moses: "Very clever, Lord."
t smug rumble
"Well, I'm not the Creator for nothing."
And that's why we have two spaces after periods.
Gosh darn it, Kristin, you beat me to it!
I'll just have to settle for adding this to my Buffista Humor collection.
connie,
in Bitches:
Hope is a nasty, vicious, lying bitch who should never have been allowed to slink out of that box Pandora opened.
She sometimes does come through, though, which is the only thing that keeps us from pinning her to a bulletin board by her crumpled little wings.
In
Firefly:
Betsy:
Joss scheduled the opening April 22 as a birthday present to me, me, me. Please, nobody pop my iridescent spaceship-shaped bubble.
Allyson:
You know, Betsy, as a "big name fan" with "insider connections", I can totally confirm that your birthday story is true. It's all about you, bay-bee.
Joss told me so over dinner the other day when I was giving him career advice. Hand to god.
kat perez:
I read in the last EW that the upcoming Nicole Kidman big screen version of
Bewitched
is going to be one of those movie within a movie deals about a TV production company making and updated version of
Bewitched.
Nicole's character, a real live witch, gets cast in the TV remake to play Samantha. I gotta say, I'm not happy about it. Give me my
Bewitched
raw and wriggling.
erikaj, in Bitches:
I had neighbors like that. They played porn in stereo at three am. It was like Paul Bunyan doing the Bionic Woman, sound-wise. Punchline: They were police cadets. Hope they work Vice.
Ginger
in
Bitches:
(Note to National Weather Service: Do not name storms names commonly followed by "the Terrible.")
Topic!Cindy in Bitches:
Ben cannot believe I would post the poem here. He doesn't even want me posting this. I am slapping his hand away as we speak. Now he is very angry. Now, he is even angrier.
In Bitches:
Daniel: Looks like Jon Stewart won an emmy. I didn't catch the category.
Deb: Is there one for "only journalist on television not currently and continuously fellating the RNC"?
