In Movies:

Aimee (has just seen The Ring and is scared of her TV):

I'm scared that creepy fucking child is going to crawl out of it.

Frankenbuddha:

Creepy little girl only comes with Comcast, from what I've heard. So if you don't have Comcast, you should be safe.

If you have Comcast, you're fucked anyway, so the the creepy little girl is sort a relief.

Consuela:

I have Comcast, but I'm NGA. Do I need to upgrade?

beth b:

TIVO

billytea:

Sure, mock my pain. Or just record it and mock it later.

I hate to COMM myself, but it's the setup for a series of hilarious and brilliant punchlines, so here goes:

>Teeth are living, and they are able to respond to a person's bite.

I can't wait for the ensuing Attack of the Mutant Monster Teeth! movies. And then all the bad reviews: "This movie totally bites." "Don't chew on this." "9 out of 10 dentists recommend not seeing this movie."

tommyrot:

"This movie hurts when you get ice cream on it."

Erin:

"Watching this movie is like biting on tinfoil."

Aimée:

"Won't take long before this movie gets pulled from the theaters."

Fred Pete:

"Brace yourself before seeing this one."

Aimée:

"This is proof of decay in the entertainment industry."

Gudanov:

"The writer should be capped."

tommyrot:

"Brush and floss thoroughly before seeing this one."

"The tooth fairy will charge you to take this one."

Ginger:

"Free jawbreaker with ticket."

Erin:

"Warning -- teeth-grindingly bad."

"There's a gaping cavity where the plot should be."

Gudanov:

"The plot felt like someone drilled out all the excitement and filled it with lead".

In Natter, Polter-Cow discusses his hyphen:

I also don't mind if the hyphen's not there, as long as you don't talk about personal computers or political correctness in the same sentence, cause that could get confusing.

Steph:

Like, if you bought a Dell laptop from the Micronesian Blind Lesbians' Society?

"I had to skip and skim -- anything happen recently?"

"Yeah -- PC bought a PC PC."

Polter-Cow: I have a larger confession to make.

I'm really Jane Espenson.

amych: Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod!!! Tell me what Scrappy's like in real life!!!

Can't believe this hasn't made it here yet ... from Minearverse

Polter-Cow: I have no idea what Harsh Mistress is about, but maybe he could meld the two together into one big movie. The Mal Is a Harsh Mistress.

NovaChild:

Hmmm. It has promise.

Jayne: Whaddaya mean we're just gonna throw rocks at 'em? That's stupid!

River: But each rock will hit the earth at a speed of 8 gazillion meters per second, releasing 6.8 megatrillion Joules of energy, the same amount as 983 H-bombs of mass destruction and scare them into submission. Or, I could kill them with my brain.

Mal: Will somebody shut her up? Zoe? Do it.

Zoe: Yes Captain.

Wash: Why does he get to be obeyed all the time? I just don't get it. That's okay, I have an idea! Let's all get married into a group family and live happily ever after! Because here on the moon our women are beautiful and liberal and our men are beautiful and liberal and everybody has lots of sex and its perfectly safe! Yay! I love you Robert Heinlein!

Everybody: YAY!

Maybe we can help Tim write? Obviously, we have talent.

billytea in Bitches, at the end of an odd, convoluted but funny post

I'm a guy on way too much caffeine, and I approved this message.

Allyson in Minearverse after reading an article on fandom that was very poorly researched:

males who rule all within the fandom, using their great spoiler penises to keep the women folk down, begging for information.

In Minearverse, tryin' a little spicy talk:

Betsy HP: (Stop ogling my axioms, dammit!)

Kiba Rika: Sorry. They're just such lovely axioms, I couldn't help but stare.

amych: I heard a nasty rumor that some nameless people's axioms are, shall we say, enhanced.

Lilty Cash: And sometimes, the way those participles dangle, you've got to take a peek.