Zoe ,'The Train Job'
Where the Buffistas let their fanfic creative juices flow. May contain erotica.
Good stuff, Nicole.
I noticed a couple of small things, though.
There was no reason to tell everyone that a dream had managed to effect her so much.
This should be 'affect.'
Especially a dream in which she had been encroaching on the new world of lesbianism with a rouge slayer.
As much as Faith loves red lipstick, I think you meant 'rogue' slayer.
Keep it coming!
I miss her more than ever, now.I love scruffy Wes almost as much as Ple but I really miss the bitchyCordy and bumblingWes from Season One Angel.
As much as Faith loves red lipstick, I think you meant 'rogue' slayer.
Ah. Gives a whole different look to my favorite evil overachiever.
This should be 'affect.'Did you notice I used both spellings in the story? I didn't until just now. I suppose I could say that I was just testing ya'll but I would be lying. *g*
Man, I love your Cordy. She's spot-on.
Wrod.
Nicole, I like where the story and plot are going, and I love the Cordy and Wes.
Nicole, this is a great story. I especially liked:
If you'd rather pretend whatever you find is Cordelia and kill it on your own, be my guest."
"Buffy, wait. What if there are - clues in the details? Important clues," Xander said, hoping for this very special moment to continue.
Spewed beverage at my computer, which is glaring at me and dripping. Perfect Xander moment.
I was worried that it had too much dialogue but I couldn't bear to cut any of it out.
I like where the story and plot are going, and I love the Cordy and Wes.Is the first part a nice way of saying that it's predictable? Too obvious? Because I'm feeling that the last line Angel asks Cordy about dreams was a bit of, "Here's where this is headed and I'm knocking you over the head with it."
Should I just end that part with Cordy's line "Does it effect me?"?
Affect. Sorry.
t /pedant
Nicole, nope - not predictable. I do think - don't hit me - that you haven't got Angel's voice down quite right; I couldn't wrap his tongue around a few of his lines.
"Does it effect me?"
Affect. "A" for the action, "E" for the result. Verb and noun. Signed, woman who still occasionally transposes those two things herself.
One thing, and one thing only, that I'd change in Cordy's dialogue: from one designer shoe junkie to another, she wouldn't be demanding her Prada shoe. She'd be demanding her Prada. Same if it was Jimmy Choo heels, or Fluevogs, or Doc Martens: she wouldn't specify the shoe. If she's hopping around in one shoe, or she's barefoot, we're shown what she's after, rather than told in her demand to Phantom!Dennis.