Nicole, I like where the story and plot are going, and I love the Cordy and Wes.
River: They weren't cows inside. They were waiting to be, but they forgot. Now they see the sky and they remember what they are. Mal: Is it bad that what she said made perfect sense to me?
'Safe'
Buffista Fic: It Could Be Plot Bunnies
Where the Buffistas let their fanfic creative juices flow. May contain erotica.
deborah grabien - Sep 25, 2003 8:13:18 am PDT #6828 of 10001
It really doesn't matter. It's just an opinion. Don't worry about it. Not worth the hassle.
sj - Sep 25, 2003 9:45:09 am PDT #6829 of 10001
"There are few hours in life more agreeable than the hour dedicated to the ceremony known as afternoon tea."
Nicole, this is a great story. I especially liked:
If you'd rather pretend whatever you find is Cordelia and kill it on your own, be my guest."
JohnSweden - Sep 25, 2003 11:52:19 am PDT #6830 of 10001
I can't even.
"Buffy, wait. What if there are - clues in the details? Important clues," Xander said, hoping for this very special moment to continue.
Spewed beverage at my computer, which is glaring at me and dripping. Perfect Xander moment.
Nicole - Sep 25, 2003 11:53:22 am PDT #6831 of 10001
I'm getting the pig!
I was worried that it had too much dialogue but I couldn't bear to cut any of it out.
I like where the story and plot are going, and I love the Cordy and Wes.Is the first part a nice way of saying that it's predictable? Too obvious? Because I'm feeling that the last line Angel asks Cordy about dreams was a bit of, "Here's where this is headed and I'm knocking you over the head with it."
Should I just end that part with Cordy's line "Does it effect me?"?
smonster - Sep 25, 2003 12:02:05 pm PDT #6832 of 10001
We won’t stop until everyone is gay.
Affect. Sorry.
t /pedant
deborah grabien - Sep 25, 2003 12:02:16 pm PDT #6833 of 10001
It really doesn't matter. It's just an opinion. Don't worry about it. Not worth the hassle.
Nicole, nope - not predictable. I do think - don't hit me - that you haven't got Angel's voice down quite right; I couldn't wrap his tongue around a few of his lines.
"Does it effect me?"
Affect. "A" for the action, "E" for the result. Verb and noun. Signed, woman who still occasionally transposes those two things herself.
One thing, and one thing only, that I'd change in Cordy's dialogue: from one designer shoe junkie to another, she wouldn't be demanding her Prada shoe. She'd be demanding her Prada. Same if it was Jimmy Choo heels, or Fluevogs, or Doc Martens: she wouldn't specify the shoe. If she's hopping around in one shoe, or she's barefoot, we're shown what she's after, rather than told in her demand to Phantom!Dennis.
Nicole - Sep 25, 2003 12:22:43 pm PDT #6834 of 10001
I'm getting the pig!
I do think - don't hit me - that you haven't got Angel's voice down quite right; I couldn't wrap his tongue around a few of his lines.
No no no! That's exactly what I want to know. And deborah, you were one of the people that I really wanted feedback from so of course I wouldn't hit you. I decided before posting it that if certain people didn't make a comment on the story - because they either couldn't stand it or had nothing nice to say - that I would discontinue the writing thing. A least until I took classes or looked at a dictionary again.
Huge thanks to everyone that did read it and comment on it. I take no offense at criticism. Even smonster with her Affect obsession. *g*
Connie Neil - Sep 25, 2003 12:26:11 pm PDT #6835 of 10001
brillig
I was worried that it had too much dialogue
t blink blink that's possible?
erikaj - Sep 25, 2003 12:27:53 pm PDT #6836 of 10001
Always Anti-fascist!
Wrod...was just wondering the same.
Nicole - Sep 25, 2003 12:47:35 pm PDT #6837 of 10001
I'm getting the pig!
Wrod...was just wondering the same.Well, since I haven't read much buffyfic (or others) I wasn't sure how much back story or description about what the characters looked like I should include, therefore making the dialogue stand out to me.
In regards to Angel's dialogue, I had to re-watch parts of Season One Angel to try to get a feel for him (back when he used to smile and laugh more often even when a baby wasn't in the scene) and it didn't work. For some reason I can't hear what I think he would say in my head.
Any suggestions? (Like that's an easy question.)