I think a lot of young women cause themselves stress by being so goal-oriented about orgasms.

(I'm giving up on whitefonting any of this. It's Bitches, after all, and I'm lazy.)

I agree, and, honestly, the not orgasming doesn't bother me at all. I went through an entire 7-month, fully sexually satisfying relationship with another young lady who had orgasm issues (in her case, I believe she'll have lots and lots of them later in life, she was just 20). The concern in this case is much more that she is frustrated, regularly, because she doesn't enjoy sexual activity nearly as much as she wants or believes she could. Not because she wants an orgasm - like shrimp and bacon, girl don't know what she's missing - but because of the difficulty she has in really enjoying it to any extent.

I do think talking to her, trying to remove any internal pressure she might have for orgasm, is a really good idea. I'll work on that.

Gris, I'm with people on the medication angle. Also, on what beth said, about making some times that you're together low on contact.

Well, this particular issue has apparently been a constant with her with and without most of the medications she uses, though her sexual experience isn't really great enough for her (or me) to be sure there's no effect. I will encourage her to bring it up with her doctor. Also, as to the low on contact thing - honestly, my own sex drive is not the hugest in the world, so at least 50% of the times we hang out (which is pretty much every day, because, um, we're gross) the physical contact is no more than affectionate kisses and cuddling to watch TV.

Quitting while she's still into it is an interesting idea. I'll give it a try.

As to the guilt thing: no idea. She doesn't seem to harbor any feelings of wrongness about it - I gather that fairly active sex lives are pretty much the norm with modern orthodox girls these days, just based on her friends that I've met. She may have issues with me particularly, of course, but until she has a long-term, steady relationship with a nice Jewish boy for us to compare it to, I can't make any assessments in that direction.

Gris, she is lucky to have you. I would give anything for such a caring partner.

Gris, I'd share some of the Buffista posts here (if you don't think that would flip her out). I really think she's probably similar to JZ and her experience.

I do think talking to her, trying to remove any internal pressure she might have for orgasm, is a really good idea.

this is an excellent idea. I enjoyed sex much more once I learned to let go of the expectation. I still didn't have orgasms, but I enjoyed sex more. and then, one day . . .

One caution, Gris. We know that you're trying to be there for her, but back in the day, I still felt pressure even when my partner was doing handstands and swinging from trees to make it happen for me. I felt like I was disappointing him because he wanted so badly for me to have this. It's like when your best friend tells you about the "funniest movie in the world", and you finally watch it with them, and it's not that funny, but you feel obligated to laugh a little because they love it so much.

Gris, I'm just chiming in here with everyone else to say you rock. The fact that you're concerned and caring and wanting to make sex a good experience for her says so much. Some of it is always going to be up to her, because learning her own body is a personal thing, but letting her know that you're patient and you're willing to help is huge. Really.

So sorry about CJ, MG. Wish I had advice. My fourteen-year-old still has impulse control issues, although they don't involve hitting (thank god, because at this point that probably warrant a call to the police since he's nearly six feet tall).

~Ma to all who need it. Especially Anne's poor tummy.

Gris, I'd share some of the Buffista posts here

I shall. Though I may just send her the text as "something I found on the internet" rather than be like "I was totally talking about you on the internets and this is what they said k?"

I do get the pressure thing Vortex, but it's rather a fine line. If I try not to try, then I risk actually, you know, not trying.

[link]

::whimper::

[Never mind. Really bad buyer feedback.]

I do get the pressure thing Vortex, but it's rather a fine line. If I try not to try, then I risk actually, you know, not trying.

I know, and it's so great that you want to try. or not try. or something :) Just something to keep in mind. I have every confidence that you'll handle it well, but i'm trying to avoid a situation like I had, where I burst into tears and apologized for 30 minutes, and he was very confused. Poor boy. I should google him.

I do get the pressure thing Vortex, but it's rather a fine line. If I try not to try, then I risk actually, you know, not trying.

I think that if you present it as a "let's help you explore your body and how it reacts" with a focus that's about pleasure and company and consicously away from I Order You To Come! then it will be fine.

Not that you were ordering her to come, it was just funny to write.

"You! Get to work on that orgasm. I thought I ordered you to come fifteen minutes ago!"

::harried looking girl looks up with anxious look on her face::