No last name? And no registry under her maiden name? That's pretty amazing.

well, as an eloped person, I think that one gives up any and all claims to gifts as an eloper. A card would be nice though. Send him a card.

(ETA: er, not to tell you what to do or anything)

Wow, they both eloped within a short amount of time?

Wow, they both eloped within a short amount of time?

Yeah, they both eloped recently without telling their mother ahead of time, and I think she felt bad and left out so she is throwing these receptions.

well, as an eloped person, I think that one gives up any and all claims to gifts as an eloper. A card would be nice though. Send him a card.

I might send him a card. An empty card, meaning no money, wouldn't be rude? I am not sure what the etiquette is here. My friend is also pregnant, so I was going to send her something when the baby is born. Maybe if I cannot find her registry I can just send her a baby-type gift? Does that sound like a good idea to anyone?

(ETA: er, not to tell you what to do or anything)

No, I am looking for people to tell me what to do. I am sort of at a loss. The brother's invite feels a little like begging for a gift to me because I never really new him and haven't seen him in ages, but maybe I am thinking of it wrongly.

Even if it's begging, you aren't obligated to give anything, sj. I find this kind of "gimme, gimme" attitude a bit like highway robbery. They feel since they told you about the marriage, you're obliged to fork over dough. Nuh and uh.

I might send him a card. An empty card, meaning no money, wouldn't be rude?

I absolutely don't think so. I will tell you, the only type of rudeness I bristled at, in my own situation was family members who didn't even send a card, or call, or anything. here's what the newly eloped people are thinking: "wheeeeeee! I'm married and happy and in love! Wheeee!! Someone sent a card, and it is celebrating our love! Wheeee!!!!!"

That might have only been me. I was only upset by relatives who have still yet to even acknowledge I got married with any form of "congratulations." I think a thoughtful card would make whoever you were sending it to be happy. As Miss Manners says, you are in no way obligated to send a wedding gift.

My friend is also pregnant, so I was going to send her something when the baby is born. Maybe if I cannot find her registry I can just send her a baby-type gift? Does that sound like a good idea to anyone?

This sounds like a great idea.

A card is always acceptable, sj. You never *have* to give a gift. Never.

When I got married, I invited a ton of people that I hadn't seen in years because I thought it would be a good opportunity to see then, not because I wanted gifts. The mother of two elopers is probably just inviting everyone she can think of so she can feel like a good hostess.

A card is always acceptable, sj. You never *have* to give a gift. Never.

Repeated because I feel it deserves emphasis.

SJ, I think they sent a card to you because people, on the whole, get more huffy about NOT being invited/informed about weddings than the opposite. Even people who haven't seen you in 10 years. And a nice card would be fine--you can throw in a little gift certificate to Bed Bath and Beyond or something if you want a token in there, but it isn't required.

Thanks for all the advice. I really appreciate it.

IOmememeN, I made another yummy dinner last night and this time without a recipe. I am starting to really like the cooking thing. We also so Batman Begins last night. So.damn.good.