well, as an eloped person, I think that one gives up any and all claims to gifts as an eloper. A card would be nice though. Send him a card.

(ETA: er, not to tell you what to do or anything)

Wow, they both eloped within a short amount of time?

Wow, they both eloped within a short amount of time?

Yeah, they both eloped recently without telling their mother ahead of time, and I think she felt bad and left out so she is throwing these receptions.

well, as an eloped person, I think that one gives up any and all claims to gifts as an eloper. A card would be nice though. Send him a card.

I might send him a card. An empty card, meaning no money, wouldn't be rude? I am not sure what the etiquette is here. My friend is also pregnant, so I was going to send her something when the baby is born. Maybe if I cannot find her registry I can just send her a baby-type gift? Does that sound like a good idea to anyone?

(ETA: er, not to tell you what to do or anything)

No, I am looking for people to tell me what to do. I am sort of at a loss. The brother's invite feels a little like begging for a gift to me because I never really new him and haven't seen him in ages, but maybe I am thinking of it wrongly.

Even if it's begging, you aren't obligated to give anything, sj. I find this kind of "gimme, gimme" attitude a bit like highway robbery. They feel since they told you about the marriage, you're obliged to fork over dough. Nuh and uh.

I might send him a card. An empty card, meaning no money, wouldn't be rude?

I absolutely don't think so. I will tell you, the only type of rudeness I bristled at, in my own situation was family members who didn't even send a card, or call, or anything. here's what the newly eloped people are thinking: "wheeeeeee! I'm married and happy and in love! Wheeee!! Someone sent a card, and it is celebrating our love! Wheeee!!!!!"

That might have only been me. I was only upset by relatives who have still yet to even acknowledge I got married with any form of "congratulations." I think a thoughtful card would make whoever you were sending it to be happy. As Miss Manners says, you are in no way obligated to send a wedding gift.

My friend is also pregnant, so I was going to send her something when the baby is born. Maybe if I cannot find her registry I can just send her a baby-type gift? Does that sound like a good idea to anyone?

This sounds like a great idea.

A card is always acceptable, sj. You never *have* to give a gift. Never.

When I got married, I invited a ton of people that I hadn't seen in years because I thought it would be a good opportunity to see then, not because I wanted gifts. The mother of two elopers is probably just inviting everyone she can think of so she can feel like a good hostess.

A card is always acceptable, sj. You never *have* to give a gift. Never.

Repeated because I feel it deserves emphasis.

SJ, I think they sent a card to you because people, on the whole, get more huffy about NOT being invited/informed about weddings than the opposite. Even people who haven't seen you in 10 years. And a nice card would be fine--you can throw in a little gift certificate to Bed Bath and Beyond or something if you want a token in there, but it isn't required.

Thanks for all the advice. I really appreciate it.

IOmememeN, I made another yummy dinner last night and this time without a recipe. I am starting to really like the cooking thing. We also so Batman Begins last night. So.damn.good.

cooking is way fun.

We've been trying to use up all the random food we have in the fridge and freezer (as well as the pantry) so we had refrigerator velcro pasta with shrimp, kalamata olives, summer squash, and prociutto on Wednesday, and fish fajitas with tilapia, and fixins: sour cream, guacamole, roasted red peppers, cheese, lettuce, and fat free refried black beans. It's an adventure! Both meals were yummy.