It really, really seems like something I might do, and then after the fact, when a bit more sure of my footing in the relationship, go back and "confess" my total dorkiness.
Yep, this. Jen, I don't think he's a freaky stalker.
bt, I'm glad you're so happy! That's wonderful.
(From the last thread) vw, sorry I wasn't around to properly sympathize about getting gothed up and ManRay having a live show. I was off getting ready to go out dancing myself.
P-C, temping, while not oodles of fun, is better than nothing.
... what else? Did I miss anything? I skimmed, due to being very very sleepy. I like going out dancing, but OMG do I want clubs in Seattle to become non-smoking. I have done nothing to deserve feeling this headachey and woozy.
There is no way to say "I googled you and know all sorts of things about you" right away, without sounding like a stalker, so I can see why he didn't say anything. After all, what he is covering up is how very much he is interested in you, not a horrible thing! Showing that interest early on would make him seem too eager and he has a lot invested in having you like and desire him. I am sure he has been hurt himself and has trust issues of his own and it's hard to reveal that level of vulnerability.
I like going out dancing, but OMG do I want clubs in Seattle to become non-smoking.
Come dancing here! It's so lovely to be in the pit at First Ave and not have to worry about being burned by a random cigarette....
Anyway, I don't think it's that horrible. I think his motives were that he's totally into you but is afraid of scaring you off with his strong interest.
Yeah, I don't doubt that his motivation was innocent, and I don't think he's creepy!scary!stalker!guy at all. And my problem isn't at all that he Googled me. People Google people. I'm cool with that.
My problem is that he actively engaged in pretense after an enormous number of gut-wrenching, tear-filled conversations during which I explained in great detail how much ex-DH broke my heart and how difficult it is for me to trust people. And he agreed be extra-super-sensitive to things that could appear to be violations of trust.
Kind of like never-ever admitting you'd already found and read someone's journal after they hand it over in a show of trust.
If anyone ever reads my journal (well, not that I keep one) they'd better never admit it. Because they knew up front that it was private. Stuff posted on the web? So very public. There's no way for him to have known
beforehand
how you felt about it, and once you had told him? I can totally see keeping his mouth shut.
Googling is something I'd totally do, and so is reverse IP lookup -- but then, I can see some people thinking the reverse lookup creepy and obsessive, so there you go -- all sorts of angles here.
And he agreed be extra-super-sensitive to things that could appear to be violations of trust.
Which is, ironically, I think why he lied about it.
Jen, remember, he is as scared as you.
If it's not too complex and technical, how does one do a reverse IP lookup? Or should I take that to the techie thread?
Jen, I'm sorry. I have no real input due to lack of successful relationship experience. I know I've googled every man I've been interested in for the past few years, but I don't know how I'd feel about saying, "Yeah, I knew you were mentioned in the San Juan Tribune because I googled your name for three hours last night."
For all your IP detecting needs. Just use the "Do Stuff" button.
I think googling is in the place where everyone google-familiar is likely to do it, but still not at the place where you talk about it easily.
