If it's not too complex and technical, how does one do a reverse IP lookup? Or should I take that to the techie thread?

Jen, I'm sorry. I have no real input due to lack of successful relationship experience. I know I've googled every man I've been interested in for the past few years, but I don't know how I'd feel about saying, "Yeah, I knew you were mentioned in the San Juan Tribune because I googled your name for three hours last night."

Which is, ironically, I think why he lied about it.

I think so, too, Hec.

For all your IP detecting needs. Just use the "Do Stuff" button.

I think googling is in the place where everyone google-familiar is likely to do it, but still not at the place where you talk about it easily.

Robin, I don't think he is. He's never been married, he's not immediately post-serious-relationship, and he has said over and over again that he's never had his heart stomped on quite the same way I have. He's not struggling with the reality of having a crappy disease. He's not struggling with having had someone walk out on him because of it.

Jen, I know when I get information about somebody quasi-surreptitiously -- say somebody told me, then said "Oops, forget I said that", I often try to get a legitimate link to the information so I"m off the hook.

Truly, the choice between being Creepy Stalker Googling Guy and Fibbing Guy is a tough one.

Jen, I think you just need to talk to him very directly about it. Just lay out the facts and let him come clean, and then explain how it pinged you in a negative way. This needs some straightforward communication, and he needs to learn some things about being with you.

Also, he will be impressed/scared by your kickass detective work.

My problem is that he actively engaged in pretense

Maybe not. Maybe he googled you, followed the link to the page but didn't really read it (if you google yourself, is there a lot of stuff? Is it obviously you?), and didn't recognize the URL when you gave it to him.

I don't think he is

He may be scared of losing you. That doesn't have to be dependent on his history. He might like you a lot, plain and simple.

Thanks, ita!

Yeah, I guess it is. I just thought given the ad nauseum Trust Issues conversations we've had, he would find it easier to make that choice.

Seriously, if I never knew about this and a year from now he said, "Hey, remember how you gave me your URL? I found it on Google and had read some stuff before," I wouldn't be upset in the slightest.

It's the fact that he had the perfect opportunity to come clean and make good on his transparency promises, and he didn't, because he thought I would never find out. I can't help but think now that there are other things about which he thinks I'll never find out.

Maybe he googled you, followed the link to the page but didn't really read it (if you google yourself, is there a lot of stuff? Is it obviously you?), and didn't recognize the URL when you gave it to him.

-t, my full name is unusual, so it's obviously me (ironically, he said "the poems on your site are so much you; I can hear your voice in them."). The URL of my site isn't exactly common, either.

I think I'll spend some time calming down and then bring it up in as unaccusatory and defensive way as possible. Thanks for your input, Bitches--I really, really appreciate it.