One of the things I promised myself was I was never going to second guess MM and his methods with Em. If he does something different but gets the same result I would, what do I care? The only time I say anything is if he seems to be having a particularly hard time with her and most of the time, he asks me first, "Ok, what the heck do I do now?" And then I suggest and let him do it. And I tell everyone that's way it should be. That way, the kid gets different comforting and feels more secure in the long run. Or so I think. I could also be full of the shite.

I truly don't know, cause I have excellent balance, like in yoga. I can stand on one foot in three inch heels forever, balance on my toes, sit on my hip bones, etc.

I think when I get going my brain is two steps in front of my feet, and I step on my mental heels. I really can't explain it, but I fall down A LOT.

My friends mock me A LOT.

Heh. I have danced in 7 inch heels with high kicks and everything, but put me in sandals and have me try to walk down the sidewalk and suddenly I'm Clumsy McSpazzypants.

A lot of Moms I know, are gate-keepers in one way or another.

I think this is a very good point. It's something I worry about in our case. I don't want to stand in between my husband and daughter, but I also know that a small part of me feels that, whatever my shortcomings, *no one else* is qualified to make decisions for my baby. Since I'll be a single parent the first 6 months of her life, I'm hoping that by the time Joe gets back, I'll actually be eager for someone else to help make decisions.

If I were ever a parent, I would have trouble with the gatekeeping issue, too. I mean, I get mad when people chastise my CAT in front of me; can't imagine someone doing something I didn't agree with to my child.

And society doesn't really encourage dads to fight for equal time with their kids, does it? It encourages it more than it used to, but it seems more of a PC theory v. reality kind of thing. And a lot of men still don't have great role-models for being a 50/50 dad, so they don't know how to fight for it, if they even want it.

And co-sleeping? The bed isn't big enough for me and Stephen, if you ask me.

Not enough word in the WORLD. Actually, as I was falling asleep last night, I was thinking about the nights when there'd be a thunderstorm or a power failure or a flu and there were four people in the waterbed. There was no place to put our feet. I felt half-pleased that my presence helped, and half-furious because I wasn't getting any sleep.

One of the things I promised myself was I was never going to second guess MM and his methods with Em. If he does something different but gets the same result I would, what do I care? The only time I say anything is if he seems to be having a particularly hard time with her and most of the time, he asks me first, "Ok, what the heck do I do now?" And then I suggest and let him do it. And I tell everyone that's way it should be. That way, the kid gets different comforting and feels more secure in the long run. Or so I think. I could also be full of the shite.

Nope - I think that's incredibly healthy. Also, Joe will have a closer relationship with her.

One thing that was really valuable for EM and I, was just seeing Emmett in his first daycare (at age 5 months). It became very apparent that there wasn't *one* way to be with Emmett. That, in fact, Emmett readily adapted to different people who had different styles. There might be one best way for *that* person to work their parental mojo with the kid - but that's because they build a specific relationship.

And of course you always check in with the other parent for advice. It's a resource. "My way ain't working. What ya got?" "Well, we used to do the bouncy walk, but now I think just the rocking chair."

Maybe that would be the interesting article then.

I have friends who went the Dad Stays Home route for the first year, because Mom made more money, and Dad was temperamentally more suited to staying home with the kid all day. It worked really well for them, but required a lot of explanation a lot of the time. My MiL made a comment once about how the Dad in this situation "doesn't do anything". I wanted to smack her.

I"m trying to figure otu if I'm gonna work or stay home once the sprog is sprogged, and that story made both possibilities sound terrifying.

They both are terrifying to me.

I'm with -t and Heather. Staying home would make me bonkers, but I cannot imagine giving an infant to Someone Else for a large chunk of his/her life. And it scares me that the 2005 Slacker Mom, sounds pretty much like she does the kind of parenting my mom -- who I always think of as pretty involved -- did in 1985.

I mean, I know we'll get by, with some combination of working from home and freelancing and daycare. My sisters-in-law have both managed with senses of humor intact, not to mention all of you guys. But it's a really scary decision to make.