If I were ever a parent, I would have trouble with the gatekeeping issue, too. I mean, I get mad when people chastise my CAT in front of me; can't imagine someone doing something I didn't agree with to my child.

And society doesn't really encourage dads to fight for equal time with their kids, does it? It encourages it more than it used to, but it seems more of a PC theory v. reality kind of thing. And a lot of men still don't have great role-models for being a 50/50 dad, so they don't know how to fight for it, if they even want it.

And co-sleeping? The bed isn't big enough for me and Stephen, if you ask me.

Not enough word in the WORLD. Actually, as I was falling asleep last night, I was thinking about the nights when there'd be a thunderstorm or a power failure or a flu and there were four people in the waterbed. There was no place to put our feet. I felt half-pleased that my presence helped, and half-furious because I wasn't getting any sleep.

One of the things I promised myself was I was never going to second guess MM and his methods with Em. If he does something different but gets the same result I would, what do I care? The only time I say anything is if he seems to be having a particularly hard time with her and most of the time, he asks me first, "Ok, what the heck do I do now?" And then I suggest and let him do it. And I tell everyone that's way it should be. That way, the kid gets different comforting and feels more secure in the long run. Or so I think. I could also be full of the shite.

Nope - I think that's incredibly healthy. Also, Joe will have a closer relationship with her.

One thing that was really valuable for EM and I, was just seeing Emmett in his first daycare (at age 5 months). It became very apparent that there wasn't *one* way to be with Emmett. That, in fact, Emmett readily adapted to different people who had different styles. There might be one best way for *that* person to work their parental mojo with the kid - but that's because they build a specific relationship.

And of course you always check in with the other parent for advice. It's a resource. "My way ain't working. What ya got?" "Well, we used to do the bouncy walk, but now I think just the rocking chair."

Maybe that would be the interesting article then.

I have friends who went the Dad Stays Home route for the first year, because Mom made more money, and Dad was temperamentally more suited to staying home with the kid all day. It worked really well for them, but required a lot of explanation a lot of the time. My MiL made a comment once about how the Dad in this situation "doesn't do anything". I wanted to smack her.

I"m trying to figure otu if I'm gonna work or stay home once the sprog is sprogged, and that story made both possibilities sound terrifying.

They both are terrifying to me.

I'm with -t and Heather. Staying home would make me bonkers, but I cannot imagine giving an infant to Someone Else for a large chunk of his/her life. And it scares me that the 2005 Slacker Mom, sounds pretty much like she does the kind of parenting my mom -- who I always think of as pretty involved -- did in 1985.

I mean, I know we'll get by, with some combination of working from home and freelancing and daycare. My sisters-in-law have both managed with senses of humor intact, not to mention all of you guys. But it's a really scary decision to make.

My MiL made a comment once about how the Dad in this situation "doesn't do anything". I wanted to smack her.

Oh, god, yes! I've stayed home with L. when I was visiting them, and he worked his fucking ass off. Stay at home parents do; watching two under 3's is hard work.

I was Stay At Home Dad for two months. That was hard work.

I think ideally, one parent only has to work part time for the first two years.

It is really really stressful when both parents work full time. It's not good for the marraige either. t /bitter experience

That noted, I don't think Emmett's been harmed at all spending time in daycares and pre-schools. To the contrary it's been really healthy for him, and I think for us. There's a big difference between being the Most Important Person in your child's life and being The Only Person In Your Child's Life.

Honestly? Emmett was thriving on the kid interaction he got in his first daycare. He was the only baby, in a pack of 2 y.o. I'm convinced it helped him walk early, and helped him develop his speech. He loved the stimulus which was way way more than he could get one-on-one with either his Mom or I focused on him all day.

What's amazing to me is that my MiL raised two kids, how can she think it isn't work? Admittedly, for the first couple of years of motherhood she probably had maids and maybe a nanny, but still.

Preconception? I mean, stay at home moms still say "Oh, I don't work" meaning they don't have a paying job.