By the sound of it, though, it doesn't seem like any time woud have been a "good" time.

By the sound of it, though, it doesn't seem like any time woud have been a "good" time.

Maybe not. But deliberately fucking up her birthday accomplished what, precisely?

Sorry, yo. I am apparently in the minority on this one, but there it is. Not a lot of sympathy from me on this one.

P-C, I was raised by an over-controlling, micro-managing mother. She was forceful, opinionated, with an unpleasant personality, and she resented the fact that I had an interior life, as apparently the concept was unknown to her. As a result I grew up hiding everything from her, keeping secrets, and at bottom wanting desperately for her to like me, to approve of me, to 1. Allow me to make my own choices once in a while, and b) to admit that occasionally I made correct choices.

Eventually I had to become my own parent and let her flail and rail on her own, in order for me to survive. I have extremely strong tendencies to revert to passive aggressive mode in situations where I find myself uncertain, or in the wrong. I know where it comes from, but really? It doesn't help me cope with the world as it is now.

It seems to me you need to start parenting yourself a little, and allowing your parents to do whatever it is they do without really affecting you, as much as you can. Please believe I'm only speaking up because your last entry is ringing all sorts of associative chimes for me, and if my experience can provide any relief in your dealings with your parents, I hope you'll take it for what it's worth.

But deliberately fucking up her birthday accomplished what, precisely?

My rationale was that maybe she'd take it better if she were in a good mood. Some tiny part of me had hope she would maybe be happy for me in any way. As for my sulking afterward, sure it wasn't productive, but I'm a moody fucking person.

For the future, P-C? Bad news on special days? Not if you can avoid it. At best, you make a good day less good, and she has to come to terms with that as well as the news. Not fair at all.

P-C, I was raised by an over-controlling, micro-managing mother. She was forceful, opinionated, with an unpleasant personality, and she resented the fact that I had an interior life, as apparently the concept was unknown to her.

Similar to mine, except that mine was a forceful chilly iceberg. I actively dislike my mother, most of the time.

However I would not now, nor would I have then, have boasted about ruining her birthday, or even considered enjoying doing that, not to her, not to anyone.

P-C, I'm quoting you:

I broke the news on Christmas, my mom's birthday. I figured my mom would be in a good mood, and I wanted to ruin it, in the spirit of giving.

That's unkind, it's unpleasant, it's childish, and it's grotesquely self-serving. My emphasis at this moment - I have to go out and it's probably a damned good thing, because otherwise I would say a few things that are probably neither b.org-allowable nor personally forgiveable - is on number three.

And I'm outta here.

It seems to me you need to start parenting yourself a little, and allowing your parents to do whatever it is they do without really affecting you, as much as you can. Please believe I'm only speaking up because your last entry is ringing all sorts of associative chimes for me, and if my experience can provide any relief in your dealings with your parents, I hope you'll take it for what it's worth.

Thanks, Beverly.

However I would not now, nor would I have then, have boasted about ruining her birthday, or even considered enjoying doing that, not to her, not to anyone.

Oh, God, I wasn't boasting. I'm not proud of it, by any means. My line about wanting to ruin her birthday was meant in all bitterness as to my bad decision and its consequences.

Oh, God, I wasn't boasting. I'm not proud of it, by any means. My line about wanting to ruin her birthday was meant in all bitterness as to my bad decision and its consequences.

The first joy of writing. Honesty hurts.

The thing is, you get points for honesty only if you act on it. "I did a selfish thing" may well be followed by "I have a habit of doing selfish things". If you stop at the self-knowledge, then you're simply justifying the habit.

"I'm sorry I broke in on your date; I'm afraid I'm careless about other people's relationships" isn't charming. "I'm so sorry I broke in on your date; I should have known how much he was enjoying your company. I won't do it again." is.