Yeah, I guess they'd prefer brutal honesty, right? A laundry list of the reasons that you don't want to go out with them. That'd go over really well, I'm sure.

Oh, God, I've had this conversation. "Why not?" Dude, you do not want me to sit here and explain the things about you that make me not want to date you, do you? Because I can guarantee it's not going to make you feel any better.

Come to think of it, that was the same guy who said "you should have said yes, gone out with me a few times, and then let me down easily!" Um, no.

Tonight's UPN rerun is Lies My Parents Told Me, yes?

Because I can guarantee it's not going to make you feel any better.

In fact, it would make you feel a lot worse.

Come to think of it, that was the same guy who said "you should have said yes, gone out with me a few times, and then let me down easily!" Um, no.

Seriously.

'Cuz that would actually make it much worse, too. Because then you've granted them their desire, and they think they've got it made, and then after a few dates you're letting them go?

Yeah, that sounds like a recipe for disaster.

Did I mention that this was a week after I was cold-cocked with the end of a two-and-a-half year relationship? So he had some timing issues, too.

Tonight's UPN rerun is Lies My Parents Told Me, yes?

That's what yahoo TV says - but don't forget, it's an hour later now.

Thankee, tina. I missed part of this one the first time.

I know people had the issues (Anne Rice rip off, bad continuity, etc.) but I loooooved this ep. One of the best Spike fight scenes evah IMO.

Oh, God, I've had this conversation. "Why not?" Dude, you do not want me to sit here and explain the things about you that make me not want to date you, do you? Because I can guarantee it's not going to make you feel any better.

Miss Manners (who is generally pretty right on about interpersonal communication) says you should never give a reason for turning down an invitation, unless it's an invitation you would like to accept & would like to have offered again in the future. So whether it's dinner with an acquaintance you find annoying, a weekend at your in-laws place in New Jersey, or a date with someone you don't want to date, you simply say, "No." If they press, "No, I'm afraid I simply can't." Saves you from having to extricate yourself from a lie you told to protect their feelings, and saves them from realizing that you really don't want to be with them.

Of course, if it's a really good friend, like Xander was to Buffy, then you might want to give more information. But you don't have to.

Now there's a discussion as to whether Buffy was wrong NOT to sort of give it a go with Xander knowing a) he adored her, and b) she wasn't sure she was interested in a relationship with him - in fact was pretty clear that she WASN'T ready.

I don't know that I get the 'not ready' part of the Xander and Buffy equation, only because - well, they were so young. Ready for what? Marriage? Certainly not, but at 17 or whatever, that's how it should be. Ready for dating? Sure. Ready for a heavy relationship? No. But see "17". She just didn't feel that way toward him, at least at the time he was asking. That's what happens.

Saves you from having to extricate yourself from a lie you told to protect their feelings, and saves them from realizing that you really don't want to be with them.

Even without having to extricate yourself from an outright lie, it also saves you the strange drama of having to quibble semantics over matters of the heart.

I myself, as a much younger person, thought that I could debate the matter with someone until she changed her mind. All I had to do was say just the right thing, right?