Damn! Must.get.computer.for.home.
I'm sad I missed the Xander/Buffy discussion. A dear Buffy-addict guy friend and I constantly argue about this. I believe that try as he might, Xander never got over his feelings for Buffy - and despite his love for Anya, was always in love with the Buffster. (My friend disagrees completely and thinks that A/X had the twue lurv that could not be because of Xander's fears about turning into his folks.) I never wanted X/B to get together though - Xander was too insecure and wouldn't have ever really believed Buffy cared about him more than Angel (which she probably wouldn't have 'cause first love and all.)
Also - my first ep was Halloween - and I started loving Buffy right then and there. ("Hi honey - I'm home.") And I never stopped. I was/am a Spike lova' for sure, but I never thought she was a bad person for how she treated him. Girl was f-ed up and all torn out of heaven, yo. Even when Buffy is acting stupid I still can barely stand to watch episodes like DMP or (shudder) Empty Places, because, you know, DO NOT FUCK WITH MY GIRL.
Exception to the DNF with my Girl Rule: I totally cheered Dark!Willow on in Two to Go when she was kicking Buffy's ass - not so much because I wanted her to win, just because - AH did such a fan-fricking-tastic job being a badass and you could really understand how after all those years, Willow would be pissed at being a sidekick.
Regarding the "giving people you're not interested in a chance" discussion: This drives me nuts. I hate when a guy expresses interest in you and when you turn him down nicely, you get the barrage of questions. "Are you dating someone else?" "Are you gay?" Blah, blah, blah. Dude, I don't have to have a reason for turning you down other than I'm not interested. I hate the implication that if you're a single woman, then you are obligated to date any man that asks you out. It's offensive. There, now I feel better.
And for the record? Yes, I have a girlfriend, thank you very much.
I'm with you Gloomcookie. I've been handed the idea that there's something wrong with me when I don't want a guy that's interested in me. Which is ever so likely to make me say cruel things like "No, dude, there's something wrong with YOU."
Yeah, I guess they'd prefer brutal honesty, right? A laundry list of the reasons that you don't want to go out with them. That'd go over really well, I'm sure.
I mean, you can like a guy, love him, adore him, esteem him ... and not be attracted to him.
cf most of my male friends.
It just happens weird.
And it does happen in the other direction too.
I find it interesting . . . a couple of months ago there was some discussion here as to whether Buffy was wrong to sort of give it a go with Spike, knowing a) he adored her, and b) she wasn't sure she was ready for a relationship - in fact was pretty clear that she WASN'T ready. Now there's a discussion as to whether Buffy was wrong NOT to sort of give it a go with Xander knowing a) he adored her, and b) she wasn't sure she was interested in a relationship with him - in fact was pretty clear that she WASN'T interested.
I hate the implication that if you're a single woman, then you are obligated to date any man that asks you out. It's offensive.
I'll see Allyson's amen, and raise a halleluja.
Actually, Jenny's post sort of got me thinking, as surprising as it is for someone who's spent a lot of time as a dateless wonder, I've been on both sides of this equation - I've been the guy who doesn't understand why the girl I asked out won't just give me a chance, and I've been the one who feels no attraction at all towards the woman who's suddenly putting a lot of pressure on me to go out with her.
So, as much as I agree that there's no obligation whatsoever on the part of the person being asked out to reciprocate, I can also say (as relates to Spike/Buffy) sometimes you at least consider saying yes because you're lonely and want some lovin', even if you know deep within your heart of hearts that you have no love for the other person, and that sleeping with them is maybe a bad idea. Sometimes you do it anyway.
Humans have a long history of doing things they know to not be a good idea.
