want to wish ~ma to so many people!

Kat, my next younger sister is legally blind without her glasses, still managed to pass Driver's ED

bubble wrap for the accident prone, I really hate falling, even though I can sometimes control it, it gets the better of me too often.

hooray for Arthur!

for JZ, my parents were Catholic, too.

I know my mother was ready and anxious for a legit medical death because thinking about suicide is a sin. but, she knew she was ready when she died of pneumonia, after being disabled by strokes and CHF. she was also diagnosed with breast cancer, but was warned she might die on the table and she said let's do it!

My father only lived a year and a month longer than she did.. Again the idea of looking for the next train out of life would never have occurred to him. he was the more devout of the two.

So there might be a little of that hanging you up. but don't take the blame! it is NOT a sin to relax into the inevitable. all the passing gently ~ma..

The night my grandfather died I told my mother we’d be leaving the hospice at around 6 because ltc hadn’t had dinner yet. It gets to just about six, and I couldn’t make myself leave, my grandfather passed a few minutes later while I was in the room with him.

Yay for Arthur!

Whew for Grace and Kat.

JZ is in my thoughts throughout the day. It’s just over a month since my friend L passed, same disease, also with a high schooler, also a devoted loving husband. David, I am thinking of you too. So much love.

JZ is in my thoughts throughout the day. It’s just over a month since my friend L passed, same disease, also with a high schooler, also a devoted loving husband. David, I am thinking of you too. So much love.

Oof, so hard. Love received.

I'm fully on the other side of it now, and yeah, it seems to be considered a non-issue in general. Which ... it is not.

Amy, right?! I cannnot believe the things that have changed.

Now, granted, cortisol seems to be my drug of choice and, according to Gabor Mate, my entire life has been a trauma response...so that doesn't help. But still. Given the shift in demographics in the US age-wise, you'd think there would be more focus than all the ads for 'take this pill to magically eliminate meno-belly.'

When the doc said almost good enough to drive, I had such a violently negative reaction that she never said exactly.

I still remember the day after having eye surgery (implanted lenses) the doctor said “it’ll continue to improve but technically you could drive with your vision as is today!” And I was horrified

Welcome to the world, Arthur! You don't know it yet, but you are fortunate to live for even a brief overlap of time in a world containing JZ.

Amen, Plei.

I'm very late, Arthur. Your surgery is even over. Welcome to our world. You're our most recent best chance. No pressure.

Since the day I took JZ into the ER, Emily (aka, Emmett's Mom, or EM as I've noted her here) has been running the house for me. She moved in, slept on the couch. Does the cooking, does the dishes, cleans everything, takes Matilda to appointments, does laundry.

She's only taken Wednesdays off to go home and see her partner, Wayne.

We've been talking the whole time, whispered conversations in the kitchen.

At one point I said, "Everybody wants to support me but nobody's exactly worried for me. They know I'll get through it, as hard and painful as it is. In a way, I already know what to expect because we got divorced. I know what it's like to wake up one day and all of your routines and daily interactions and years of in-jokes just disappear and you stagger around and are lonely and slowly build up a new life."

And she said, "Aha! That's the third gift I've given you! The first is that you married Jacqueline because I divorced you. The second is that you got Matilda, and this is the third. You're welcome!"

First of all, Hecubus, dang you for making me fall in love with yet another member of your family. Emily, you've always been EM to me, but now you're a Velveteen Rabbit. Thank you for loving on Emmett's family so much.

Also, David, this:

Everybody wants to support me but nobody's exactly worried for me.

Is not true at all. I've worried myself sick about you. I mean, you might think that we might think, that you're okay, and whatever. We don't.

We never thought that. We always thought JZ was the one who saved you (dammit, here comes the Oasis earworm). We thanked God, ita, Joss (until we knew what an asshat he was) and the Powers That Be, that JZ swooped in and did her magic on you.

To the extent we think/know you'll be okay, it's because you have Emmett, Matilda, and well, we don't really think JZ will leave you, merely because she shuffles off this mortal coil. Our asstastic girl is in it for the duration, and guess what, the duration hasn't even started.

(In all seriousness, Hec, I can't do this. I couldn't even do the Zoom. I don't know what we'll do without Jacqueline. But honestly, and it sounded like a slam before, but it's not, every single one of us is worried about you. We know what JZ is to you. You, to your great and unending credit, never left that to our imaginations.)

Strix? Your post slayed me. That is all.

David, insent.

Following on Cindy's thoughts, David, I'm worried for you like you were worried for me. But 'worried' isn't really it.

Of course, I wish you could just bypass the suffering to come but, as you made clear to me then, it isn't possible, and in many ways, is not preferable.

I won't go into details here about how you did it, but you saved me when I was 100% on my way out. You saved me with a simple phrase that I'll never forget until the moment no thought or wisdom is available to me.

You need a place to put your love.

Yes, there was the concern that my will to die was stronger than my will to live, but you would not even have reached out if you did not have some kind of faith that I had what it took to make a different decision.

In my IRL life, no one doubted that I would be alright because I always am. The same is true for you. Honestly, though, there have been times when that hasn't felt good to me. But that is the reality I've built for myself.

The reality you have built is stuffed to the bursting with love and connection and beauty and style. Your entire life is the place you put your love. Having Jacqueline in your life is proof of that.

That will mean very little for as long as it is displaced with grief. But I have faith that everything that has carried you through to this point will sustain you still.

And when you need a place to put everything in the way of that, I volunteer to be a listening well. Rock solid, where nothing escapes.

Not surprisingly, beekaytee is wise.

Today we can celebrate birthdays! It is meara's birthday! Also, a birthday twin, Jen K! I wish you the happiest of days being spoiled by all around you. May the year to come be joyful.