Oh, Gud. You are such a good person and so undervalued and so mistreated by the person who should love you best and most fiercely in all the world. You deserve infinitely better than this.

Jesus Fucking Christ, Gud! I know you are conscious of what you're typing out and it looks insane.

Not you. Her. You know her behavior is abusive and bullshit.

Aside from everything else I hate about your wife (mostly her abuse), she's the laziest piece of shit I've ever witnessed.

You are literally holding down a high level full time highly compensated job and doing ALL the work around your house while still absorbing her irrational, utter bullshit abuse.

I fucking hate your wife more than I can say, and I would happily watch her spontaneously combust.

Get the fuck away from her. Divorce her. Your eldest daughter is out of the house.

Can you even imagine just the peace you would have by NOT living with her? That's within your power.

I have to say I agree with David 100%. I can't even remotely imagine getting mad at Brendon for making noise, or vice versa. (ya know talking air compressor while I am in bed here) Neither of us does the lion's share of house chores either. The unevenness of responsibility is so minor compared to the anger and abuse you endure. She isn't going to change and you deserve so much better.

Gudanov, my understanding is that talking is an important part of working through that sort of issue. If you post here, we'll sympathize and hope it helps. If you need it, my phone number is at the top of my profile. I've never been in your situation, but I can listen. The only advice I have to offer is to repeat what has been posted here before: talk to a professional.

I just had a beautiful vision of Gudanov's wife coming back from an outing one day (at first I typed "errand," but she doesn't run errands, she just makes Gud run them and then tells him all the ways he did it wrong) to find exactly half the furniture and all Gud's belongings gone, and a ream of paper sitting on the kitchen counter that turns out to be a printout of every angry, bitter, absolutely true thing each of us has said here about her over the years, and she never sets eyes on him again, although both his daughters do because his new place is so quiet, and warm and welcoming.

It's a mean, petty, spiteful vision but I like it. And, Gud, you are a good person. A fundamentally good person, in all your couch-flipping, backyard-UFO-building, novel-writing, kids-life-journeys-accepting essential Buffista selfhood, and it breaks all our hearts that we can see your goodness and know what peace and goodness you deserve but we know you've been bullied into disbelieving all of it.

I have a Twitter friend who recently left a bad marriage, got her own tiny apartment, and she is so happy and relieved.

My friend Maria also left a bad marriage in 2019, and you know who else is happier- her kids! Even though they are now young adults they are living at home and are really happier without an abusive presence. She was also in the spot where she was doing both the full time work and most of the household responsibilities. I never pushed her to leave because we have to decide on our own, but Gus, you have value and you are loved and I am just as angry with your wife as I was with her husband.

If Gud’s wife doesn’t like the noise Gud makes cleaning the kitchen, she could solve that problem by cleaning it her own damn self.

Unrelatedly, Ann Rice has died.

It is extremely difficult to accept that such a huge life change is essential to your health, but it is. No one deserves to be belittled and abused by their spouse. It is not easy to understand and reject the gaslighting that has occurred, but it is vital to your mental health.

Gud, your wife gets angry at EVERYTHING, so it doesn't matter what you do around the house. This is all her issue, it has nothing to do with you doing anything wrong. Instead of letting it make you feel bad about yourself, just grey rock her and deny her the satisfaction of reacting to her abuse.