Gudanov, my understanding is that talking is an important part of working through that sort of issue. If you post here, we'll sympathize and hope it helps. If you need it, my phone number is at the top of my profile. I've never been in your situation, but I can listen. The only advice I have to offer is to repeat what has been posted here before: talk to a professional.

I just had a beautiful vision of Gudanov's wife coming back from an outing one day (at first I typed "errand," but she doesn't run errands, she just makes Gud run them and then tells him all the ways he did it wrong) to find exactly half the furniture and all Gud's belongings gone, and a ream of paper sitting on the kitchen counter that turns out to be a printout of every angry, bitter, absolutely true thing each of us has said here about her over the years, and she never sets eyes on him again, although both his daughters do because his new place is so quiet, and warm and welcoming.

It's a mean, petty, spiteful vision but I like it. And, Gud, you are a good person. A fundamentally good person, in all your couch-flipping, backyard-UFO-building, novel-writing, kids-life-journeys-accepting essential Buffista selfhood, and it breaks all our hearts that we can see your goodness and know what peace and goodness you deserve but we know you've been bullied into disbelieving all of it.

I have a Twitter friend who recently left a bad marriage, got her own tiny apartment, and she is so happy and relieved.

My friend Maria also left a bad marriage in 2019, and you know who else is happier- her kids! Even though they are now young adults they are living at home and are really happier without an abusive presence. She was also in the spot where she was doing both the full time work and most of the household responsibilities. I never pushed her to leave because we have to decide on our own, but Gus, you have value and you are loved and I am just as angry with your wife as I was with her husband.

If Gud’s wife doesn’t like the noise Gud makes cleaning the kitchen, she could solve that problem by cleaning it her own damn self.

Unrelatedly, Ann Rice has died.

It is extremely difficult to accept that such a huge life change is essential to your health, but it is. No one deserves to be belittled and abused by their spouse. It is not easy to understand and reject the gaslighting that has occurred, but it is vital to your mental health.

Gud, your wife gets angry at EVERYTHING, so it doesn't matter what you do around the house. This is all her issue, it has nothing to do with you doing anything wrong. Instead of letting it make you feel bad about yourself, just grey rock her and deny her the satisfaction of reacting to her abuse.

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Gud you could have not made noise and your wife would have been angry. You could do everything she asked or wanted exactly as she said and she would still be angry.

You are not the problem.

I know it can be hard when feelings of self worth aren't high. I have struggles with flat out loathing and hating myself and it can be hard to see how a situation really is. But let me tell you there is nothing. NOTHING . Not a single damn thing you have ever done to deserve the way she treats you.

If you don't trust yourself then trust us. ALL OF US.

I had to start learning who I could trust about myself and even when I didn't believe what they saw I trusted that it was there and I just couldn't see it.

PLEASE TRUST US. Not your wife.

Gud. Please call your doctor's office tomorrow morning, make and keep an appointment for this week, tell them you're experiencing suicidal ideations, explain the situation at home, and ask for some help with medication and a referral to a good therapist who can see you now.

I don't know you other than what you post here, and I do not know your wife at all, but you need some help. It is okay to need help. You deserve to feel better than this and need some help finding your way from how you are feeling right now to feeling better.