I have a Twitter friend who recently left a bad marriage, got her own tiny apartment, and she is so happy and relieved.

My friend Maria also left a bad marriage in 2019, and you know who else is happier- her kids! Even though they are now young adults they are living at home and are really happier without an abusive presence. She was also in the spot where she was doing both the full time work and most of the household responsibilities. I never pushed her to leave because we have to decide on our own, but Gus, you have value and you are loved and I am just as angry with your wife as I was with her husband.

If Gud’s wife doesn’t like the noise Gud makes cleaning the kitchen, she could solve that problem by cleaning it her own damn self.

Unrelatedly, Ann Rice has died.

It is extremely difficult to accept that such a huge life change is essential to your health, but it is. No one deserves to be belittled and abused by their spouse. It is not easy to understand and reject the gaslighting that has occurred, but it is vital to your mental health.

Gud, your wife gets angry at EVERYTHING, so it doesn't matter what you do around the house. This is all her issue, it has nothing to do with you doing anything wrong. Instead of letting it make you feel bad about yourself, just grey rock her and deny her the satisfaction of reacting to her abuse.

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Gud you could have not made noise and your wife would have been angry. You could do everything she asked or wanted exactly as she said and she would still be angry.

You are not the problem.

I know it can be hard when feelings of self worth aren't high. I have struggles with flat out loathing and hating myself and it can be hard to see how a situation really is. But let me tell you there is nothing. NOTHING . Not a single damn thing you have ever done to deserve the way she treats you.

If you don't trust yourself then trust us. ALL OF US.

I had to start learning who I could trust about myself and even when I didn't believe what they saw I trusted that it was there and I just couldn't see it.

PLEASE TRUST US. Not your wife.

Gud. Please call your doctor's office tomorrow morning, make and keep an appointment for this week, tell them you're experiencing suicidal ideations, explain the situation at home, and ask for some help with medication and a referral to a good therapist who can see you now.

I don't know you other than what you post here, and I do not know your wife at all, but you need some help. It is okay to need help. You deserve to feel better than this and need some help finding your way from how you are feeling right now to feeling better.

Timelies all!

What they said, Gud. (Sorry I'm not more articulate, but Mr. S woke us up at 6)

Gud, can you imagine someone you love, like your children, having a disease like diabetes or arthritis that they don't get treated for? They'd be suffering unnecessarily, and you would want them to see a doctor and get the help they need.

That's where you're at. And ignore the unreasonable behavior from your wife for a minute. Objectively, suicidal ideation is a sign of illness. There are treatments for it. We want you to be healthy.