Hang in there, Gud.

A day like that makes me want to listen to this: [link]

(And then listen to the rest of the musical.)

That song is only 2:33 seconds - it's a lullaby for grownups.

Agreed Trudy, And of course that is Tim Minchin. He knows how to hit a crypoint.

I keep having these feelings about the death of live theatre for the foreseeable future. I thought after perhaps a year off, I would go back and try to find a non-toxic theatre, and that is not happening. But also I have so many friends without livelihood. They maybe can have an artistic outlet, but there is no money in zoom videos, and really that is just for performers, not designers and technicians. Imagine a costume fitting or quick change- not happening Do you know how close we are to the actors? I also have survivor's guilt because I got out at just the right moment, and into a field (online learning) that is pretty in demand with the pandemic. I found myself weeping at the video I shared on Facebook, with the dancers recreating dances with their pets, alone. It was adorable, but also- when can they perform again safely? When do the costume, light, set and sound technicians get their highly specialized jobs back? A designer I worked with had two post recently- one asking for an extension of unemployment benefits for freelancers, and one that he won an Obie

There are just some jobs and professions that are going to be too dangerous until we've got a firm handle on the pandemic here. I've heard that the NZ film industry (et cetera) is up and running.

Consuela, that sounds wonderful. Enjoy the family time. I stayed in hotels 2 nights on the way here from Florida. Both in SC and PA masks were everywhere, public facilities like swimming pools and breakfast lounges were closed, and cleaning procedures were evident. My concerns were alleviated.

I dunno, there are certainly a lot of people with bigger problems.

All of us are on stress overload. And yes, there are always people with bigger and smaller problems. The bottom line is that we have to be there for each other and support each other emotionally. David is correct in pointing out that you don't have the support you need and deserve. Loving partners don't get mad when we make mistakes, they are supportive and make every effort to help us feel better about ourselves. You don't make more mistakes than the rest of humanity, and you work harder than most of us! You deserve appreciation and support. I hope you can at least find that here, because I appreciate you, and I know we all do.

An abridged meara'ing:

Epic, I am so sorry.

flea - wow. Just... wow.

Gud: What Laura said. I am worried about you. You are a good human being with a kind heart. You are also under a lot of stress, sick, and it seems like you have no support system so you cannot heal or trust yourself. Why are you the one who needs to take care of things instead of healing? Making small mistakes is not fucking up. It's part of being human.

Pix (and e_o!) - lovely seeing your pixels, and I want to echo what Pix said: I am grateful for this place very, very much. And one of these days, after the plague, I'm getting on a plane to see those of you in the East Coast that I didn't see in that F2F six years ago.

(Pix, whenever I walk by a jacaranda tree, I'm thinking of you).

Hi Shir! I was thinking of you yesterday. I was going through boxes of my mother's belongings that my step-father had packed up for me. They have sat unopened for years because I never quite seemed up to it. Anyway, one of the boxes contained the rocks you sent me to give to her. She loved them, and I very much appreciated that you gathered them for me. So that brought smiles and warm memories. Thank you. (eta: that was 8 years ago!)

Oh, the rocks! I'm glad that brought smiles.

And 8 years ago, damn. I know it's not that much of a time, but it feels so far away.

Gud, I'm getting really worried about you. You're sounding like I sound when my depression is really getting to me. Please do SOMETHING to get professional help. At least talk to your GP about getting medication. A good therapist can also help you work through your issues -- I haven't been on Talkspace, but I've heard good things about it (and I don't mean just the Michael Weiss commercials).

Please Gud see someone at least just to talk. Everyone makes mistakes we are people.

You have 2 kids who are old enough to cook and help around the house and your wife. You shouldn't be trying to do that all on your own.

Oh, Gud, I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. None of that actually sounds like its your fault, although I know it is hard to believe that when it is how you feel and you do get blamed. I'm sorry, man.

Other people having bigger problems does not make your problems smaller, alas.