Oh, Gud, I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. None of that actually sounds like its your fault, although I know it is hard to believe that when it is how you feel and you do get blamed. I'm sorry, man.

Other people having bigger problems does not make your problems smaller, alas.

Oh dear. RBG announced her cancer is back, but the good news is she isn't going anywhere.

Thanks. I'm not sure talking to somebody will help if I'm at heart just not a good person. Also, it's just too expensive right now.

Gud, of course you're a good person.

Maybe talking to someone will help you realize you are a good person.

if I'm at heart just not a good person

Well, that's a false premise. I struggle with that feeling as well, Gud, and I know our brains can be very persuasive, but it's not true.

Gud, stop telling lies about our friend. Gud is a good person, in fact, a very good person.

Gud, a bad person wouldn't care about others, or the way they feel. Bad people don't feel guilt (however misplaced) and don't feel upset that they've disappointed someone (even if that person's expectations are entirely selfish ). GOOD people feel those things. You're one of them. If therapy is too costly right now, there some free things online you could try. Or you could ask a priest or a minister to listen. You don't have to be alone in this.

Also, it's just too expensive right now.

1) you are a good person.

2) Caring for yourself needs to be prioritized.

Is anyone else contributing to the finances of your household? If not, why not.

I know we have asked before, and I am sorry if I do not remember the answer, but is mental health not covered by your insurance at all? No EAP? No tele-therapy through your insurance? (your post served as a reminder to me to schedule on-line therapy since I have not been to therapy since January and both my nail biting and lip biting are getting worse which is a giant sign of spiraling anxiety - so in the midst of typing this post I scheduled a session for next week - my insurance is now offering online visits for all types of Drs at $15 each).

The bottom line is that we have to be there for each other and support each other emotionally. David is correct in pointing out that you don't have the support you need and deserve. Loving partners don't get mad when we make mistakes, they are supportive and make every effort to help us feel better about ourselves. You don't make more mistakes than the rest of humanity, and you work harder than most of us! You deserve appreciation and support. I hope you can at least find that here, because I appreciate you, and I know we all do.

Listen to Laura for she is wise.

You are a really good person and I'm worried at how much blame you are heaping onto yourself.