In parenting sucks and why do we ever do this news, my boys continue to disappoint. I continue to be upbeat and motherly to them, but basically they suck. #1 son goes for weeks without contact, which either means he is depressed or is hiding something, or both. I continue to send little lighthearted links and/or family updates and ignore his lack of response. His GF responds, so that is something. #2 son is all about his life and complains non-stop when i talk to him. I did go to lunch with him a couple weeks ago or so ago when I messaged him and asked. I arranged at that time for us to go up and have dinner with him and the fam at their favorite Italian joint. But he never came here for the couple months he was working just a couple miles away and drove past daily. My NY sister is coming here at the end of the month for my FL sister's birthday. I asked him if he could go over for the birthday, anytime that weekend, because my sister will likely never be able to come to our coast again, and she hasn't seen the baby. Not likely to happen. It's just too hard for him. He has plans Saturday, and it is too hard to come on Sunday when she has to get ready for work on Monday.
So best if I ignore him for a while so I don't tell him how I feel. I'll hear from him because he wants me to do his taxes. Right now I don't think I have time. I don't talk about it much because it doesn't change and remains depressing.
Ugh, I’m so sorry Laura. I was hoping things had turned around some. I know jo painful and frustrating this is for you.
I'm so sorry Laura. I have no good advice. But I do wish either or both of them would get a clue. Meanwhile, take care of yourself.
I'm pretty much okay with it. At the very core of my being I know I did the best that I could raising them. They were loved unconditionally. I supported them and encouraged them and told them they could do anything. I honestly don't see that I failed them in any way. It is likely that this phase is a growth thing where they reject the parents to become their own persons. I don't take it personally because I don't think it really has anything to do with me. The opposite of it's not you its me, it isn't me, it's them. It is far harder on Brendon because he does take it personally and tries to figure out what he did wrong. Maybe because he is a Mr. Fixit guy by nature, maybe because his relationship with them was different than mine. He was more go and do stuff dad with all the coaching and sports. He still yearns to fix it, while I am more go forward. That chapter is done and it is our turn now. The ungrateful asses will wake up eventually. I'll invite them to family gatherings and remember their birthdays, but my life decisions going forward are based on our needs, not theirs.
eta: Apologies for the emotion dump here, but I really have to get it out sometimes.
Honey, no apology necessary, we're here for you.
"Stretching their wings" sounds likely to me, Laura.
You guys will figure it out. Your relationships are based in love and respect and will eventually settle into good adult patterns,
I'll invite them to family gatherings and remember their birthdays, but my life decisions going forward are based on our needs, not theirs.
This absolutely sounds like the right way to do this. You're leaving the door open for them when they get their heads on straight, but in the meanwhile living your own life.
#1 son did chit chat about normal stuff like Spring and movies with me on messenger this morning. I deliberately didn't ask him about anything like when is he getting his NY driver license, or anything preachy. Just light and breezy stuff.
my boys continue to disappoint.
I'm disappointed in them. They are lucky to have wonderful parents in you and Brendon. Hopefully this is a phase and they'll get their asses in gear soon.
And you can always vent here.
