I'm so sorry Laura. I have no good advice. But I do wish either or both of them would get a clue. Meanwhile, take care of yourself.
This is not funny. This... this is a morality tale about the evils of sake.
Simon ,'Objects In Space'
Spike's Bitches 49: As usual, I'm here to help you, and I... are you naked under there?
Spike-centric discussion. Lusty, lewd (only occasionally crude), risqué (and frisqué), bawdy (Oh, lawdy!), flirty ('cuz we're purty), raunchy talk inside. Caveat lector.
Beverly - Apr 11, 2021 2:44:33 am PDT #7569 of 8185
Days shrink and grow cold, sunlight through leaves is my song. Winter is long.
Laura - Apr 11, 2021 7:00:41 am PDT #7570 of 8185
Our wings are not tired.
I'm pretty much okay with it. At the very core of my being I know I did the best that I could raising them. They were loved unconditionally. I supported them and encouraged them and told them they could do anything. I honestly don't see that I failed them in any way. It is likely that this phase is a growth thing where they reject the parents to become their own persons. I don't take it personally because I don't think it really has anything to do with me. The opposite of it's not you its me, it isn't me, it's them. It is far harder on Brendon because he does take it personally and tries to figure out what he did wrong. Maybe because he is a Mr. Fixit guy by nature, maybe because his relationship with them was different than mine. He was more go and do stuff dad with all the coaching and sports. He still yearns to fix it, while I am more go forward. That chapter is done and it is our turn now. The ungrateful asses will wake up eventually. I'll invite them to family gatherings and remember their birthdays, but my life decisions going forward are based on our needs, not theirs. eta: Apologies for the emotion dump here, but I really have to get it out sometimes.
Vortex - Apr 11, 2021 10:31:33 am PDT #7571 of 8185
"Cry havoc and let slip the boobs of war!" -- Miracleman
Honey, no apology necessary, we're here for you.
askye - Apr 11, 2021 12:35:57 pm PDT #7572 of 8185
Thrive to spite them
Post Deleted!
Trudy Booth - Apr 12, 2021 8:58:24 am PDT #7573 of 8185
Greece's financial crisis threatens to take down all of Western civilization - a civilization they themselves founded. A rather tragic irony - which is something they also invented. - Jon Stewart
"Stretching their wings" sounds likely to me, Laura.
You guys will figure it out. Your relationships are based in love and respect and will eventually settle into good adult patterns,
EpicTangent - Apr 12, 2021 9:29:01 am PDT #7574 of 8185
Why isn't everyone pelting me with JOY, dammit? - Zenkitty
I'll invite them to family gatherings and remember their birthdays, but my life decisions going forward are based on our needs, not theirs.
This absolutely sounds like the right way to do this. You're leaving the door open for them when they get their heads on straight, but in the meanwhile living your own life.
Laura - Apr 12, 2021 10:00:40 am PDT #7575 of 8185
Our wings are not tired.
#1 son did chit chat about normal stuff like Spring and movies with me on messenger this morning. I deliberately didn't ask him about anything like when is he getting his NY driver license, or anything preachy. Just light and breezy stuff.
Cass - Apr 12, 2021 6:48:49 pm PDT #7576 of 8185
Bob's learned to live with tragedy, but he knows that this tragedy is one that won't ever leave him or get better.
my boys continue to disappoint.I'm disappointed in them. They are lucky to have wonderful parents in you and Brendon. Hopefully this is a phase and they'll get their asses in gear soon.
And you can always vent here.
JenP - Apr 13, 2021 8:50:33 am PDT #7577 of 8185
That stinks, Laura. I'm sorry. Yeah, totally vent here.
Laura - Apr 13, 2021 10:47:50 am PDT #7578 of 8185
Our wings are not tired.
I really appreciate having the safe space to vent. I can talk to my sisters, or sisters-in-law, but they tend to get protective of me and blame his wife or whatever. It is almost surely a development phase. I know I was super shitty to my seriously awesome parents until sometime in my 20s. I spent the next 40 years feeling guilty about it!! I asked my mother many times how she even tolerated my existence, she just shrugged and said she told herself, this too shall pass. And I do believe it will. I am way more upset about how this has devastated Brendon who has (in his mind) lost his little buddies and feels like it was all an illusion and they never loved him and never will. He is way more emotional than me by nature and I just can't convince him it isn't personal and it is just a particularly shitty stage of life.
Thank you again for the permission to let it out.