I messaged him and asked him if he thought he might have a cracked rib, mentioning casually that my sister had them a couple times. Will see if he responds. He might not even know about the extent of CPR done on him. He is going to be installing a scanner at a medical practice tomorrow. I might go with him and mention to one of the doctors there that his chest hurts severely. They have known him since he was a kid because they are long time customers. They all like him because he fixes their computer issues. They have no clue that he has the issues he has.

Laura. You both are in my heart. I wish I had some advice for you, but all I have is hope, and faith in both of you.

Thank you, all. I just had to talk about it somewhere. DH has such a responsible nature he feels like it has to be because he somehow failed him, at least I don't carry that. I do feel that we have to keep trying to fix him though.

Laura, so much love to you and your family.

Oh man, Laura, that's so tough.

Laura, words are just not good enough here. I,m sorry your family is facing this.

Laura, I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. So much love to you all.

Oof, Laura, sending all kinds of love and a bunch of hand-flappy flaily there's nothing I can do from here but send you gestures of support vibes. He's lucky to have you in his corner and I hope he comes to see it soon.

Oh my god, Laura. I'm so worried for him and for your family.

I don't think he's going to survive living on his own. He really needs to be in a controlled rehab facility. I don't think he can be left alone. He is not showing any capacity for change or self-care.

He's not actively trying to kill himself, but this sort of qualifies as reckless endangerment. There's something profoundly wrong with him that's not going to respond to normal familial pressure/support. This is more like a personality disorder. Something like Oppositional Defiant Disorder. [link]

(Just using that as an example - not trying to diagnose at a distance.)

More on Personality Disorder Types: [link]

I don't think you can afford to treat him like he's a rational actor adult who is merely fucking up and needs boundaries/consequences etc. He clearly has addiction issues but there's something else going on, I think.

I apologize for my unsolicited opinion, and I hope it doesn't sound critical of you or him. I just think there's something very wrong here and I'm really really worried for him.

DH talked to one of our doctors today who has a son going through a similar situation. It helped him to talk about it. The doctor said the number of OD cases they deal with when he is on ER rounds is horrifying, and of course he has no real control over his adult child either.

He was given a check by one of my practices because he designed a website for them, but couldn't get it cashed. Ha! He gave it to me to deposit to pay some of his indebtedness, and then let me take him grocery shopping rather than give him cash. He didn't even ask for cash. Maybe this scared him, who knows since he hasn't actually told me what happened.