Thank you, all. I just had to talk about it somewhere. DH has such a responsible nature he feels like it has to be because he somehow failed him, at least I don't carry that. I do feel that we have to keep trying to fix him though.

Laura, so much love to you and your family.

Oh man, Laura, that's so tough.

Laura, words are just not good enough here. I,m sorry your family is facing this.

Laura, I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. So much love to you all.

Oof, Laura, sending all kinds of love and a bunch of hand-flappy flaily there's nothing I can do from here but send you gestures of support vibes. He's lucky to have you in his corner and I hope he comes to see it soon.

Oh my god, Laura. I'm so worried for him and for your family.

I don't think he's going to survive living on his own. He really needs to be in a controlled rehab facility. I don't think he can be left alone. He is not showing any capacity for change or self-care.

He's not actively trying to kill himself, but this sort of qualifies as reckless endangerment. There's something profoundly wrong with him that's not going to respond to normal familial pressure/support. This is more like a personality disorder. Something like Oppositional Defiant Disorder. [link]

(Just using that as an example - not trying to diagnose at a distance.)

More on Personality Disorder Types: [link]

I don't think you can afford to treat him like he's a rational actor adult who is merely fucking up and needs boundaries/consequences etc. He clearly has addiction issues but there's something else going on, I think.

I apologize for my unsolicited opinion, and I hope it doesn't sound critical of you or him. I just think there's something very wrong here and I'm really really worried for him.

DH talked to one of our doctors today who has a son going through a similar situation. It helped him to talk about it. The doctor said the number of OD cases they deal with when he is on ER rounds is horrifying, and of course he has no real control over his adult child either.

He was given a check by one of my practices because he designed a website for them, but couldn't get it cashed. Ha! He gave it to me to deposit to pay some of his indebtedness, and then let me take him grocery shopping rather than give him cash. He didn't even ask for cash. Maybe this scared him, who knows since he hasn't actually told me what happened.

I agree completely, David. However, it would be very complex and probably unsuccessful for me to get him committed. He has been hospitalized 4 times now and each time he quickly convinces them that he is just fine. He is absurdly brilliant and has comfortably conversed with doctors all his life. The last time he had an adverse reaction to LSD and actually flagged down a police car to protect him from whatever imaginary thing was after him. They of course took him to the hospital and he was out as soon as the mandatory time was up.

Working with his roommates I am pushing him to address his mental illness. He knows he has problems, but he still rejects the notion of anyone professional being able to help him. He is completely dysfunctional in many ways, but his living in an apartment with 4 relatively sane good kids is better than him living with us on many levels. If I don't feel comfortable by June going north then I will tell him he has to go with me. He is financially dependent on me and doesn't have a lot of options there.

I realize you don't have tremendous authority over your adult son.

If I don't feel comfortable by June going north then I will tell him he has to go with me. He is financially dependent on me and doesn't have a lot of options there.

I'll feel safer if you have him up at the lake.

I'm so sorry. I love you. Worried. I know you and Brendon must be heartbroken and stressed out of your minds.