Suzi, just ask - he might be willing - and I'm sure you'd have the gratitude of the fans ... at least some of them.

Toddson gives *excellent* advice.

Tep, I hope today's therapy does much to restore your equilibrium and perspective, from an interior point of view. From out here? I don't see how else you could have reacted.

This should not be a thing that happens in your house. It's a difficult thing for Tim to have to manage, but he's probably going to have to, because not!son and gf obviously are looking for any sort of flotation device and will willingly drown anyone or thing in their vicinity, whether that actually keeps them from drowning is probably irrelevant to them.

My metaphors are crap. I support you in email and however else might be helpful.

My therapist said pretty plainly that, while GF is undoubtedly in a lot of pain and dealing with a lot of shit, she's almost certainly not suicidal. Because someone who's suicidal will either (1) just do it, or (2) ask for help, not show up at your house and announce that they're going to play with your cat even though you have work to do.

Obviously my therapist can't make that judgement call with any authority because she isn't GF's therapist and can only rely on my version of events. That said, I tend to agree with her. I think that GF is genuinely in a lot of pain and is stuck in some shitty life circumstances (including choosing a garbage fire to have children with). But I don't think she's suicidal.

My therapist reminded me that Tim's boundaries with not!son and GF don't have to be my boundaries, and next time GF shows up on our doorstep, I can offer to drive her to the psych ER, and if she doesn't want to go, tell her that I can't help her then, and she needs to find somewhere else to be.

It's a difficult thing for Tim to have to manage, but he's probably going to have to, because not!son and gf obviously are looking for any sort of flotation device and will willingly drown anyone or thing in their vicinity, whether that actually keeps them from drowning is probably irrelevant to them.

Yeah, Tim still feels a lot of parental(ish) loyalty to not!son. It's fine for him to have different boundaries with not!son and GF than the boundaries I choose to have. Well, to a point, I guess. I'll intervene as soon as any nonsense with these 2 affects *our* life together.

But I have no tolerance for any more addicts in my life, and that includes not!son. Just because jail has forced him into a situation where he can't drink or do drugs, doesn't mean that he's actually sober. If he gets his head out of his ass and turns his life around and starts being a parent to his 2 little girls, then I'll believe that he's sober. But I actually expect that when he gets out he'll go right back to his old ways. And I refuse to let him drag Tim down with him.

Ugh Steph, what a painful situation for all of you. I'm impressed with your boundaries on this

Ugh, Steph. The boundaries you're setting on this sound good.

I went out and did most of the errands I needed to do -- went to pharmacy, went grocery shopping. Bought some dill pickle flavor potato chips, because those are stress food for me. Though, now that I think about it, since one of the possibilities for what's wrong with me is bleeding ulcer, maybe that's not such a good idea. But my doctor didn't tell me any restrictions on what I could eat.

Stupid cholesterol is still stupid. Back to the diet drawing board. Went from 272 to 247, but need to do better.

Steph, I'm sorry you're dealing with this chaos vortex. I lived with chaos people for way too long and you're right to put solid boundaries in place *now* - you don't want them to get a toehold in your life. They'll bring the chaos, and you can't make them get better. Clear and immediate communication with Tim is paramount, if he lets them in you won't likely be able to get them out. I think your therapist is right on with her advice. The next time the GF shows up, don't let her come in. Think of them like they're vampires. It sounds mean, but I swear, chaos people will drag your life into chaos too. Even though they're not doing it maliciously, the chaos is normal to them, they don't understand how destructive it is.

And I think I've lost the plot - if not!son is not Tim's son, why is Tim even involved in this?

And I think I've lost the plot - if not!son is not Tim's son, why is Tim even involved in this?

Not!son is the son of Tim's ex. Tim and ex-GF lived together for 4 or 5 years, and not!son didn't live with them full time, but part of the time. And not!son has no relationship with his biological father, but he and Tim developed a close relationship. He's told Tim more than once that he's the closest thing he has to a dad. And he and Tim maintained a good relationship after Tim and ex-GF broke up.

So Tim feels a...not exactly a parental responsibility, per se. Just more that he *wants* to help not!son when he needs it. (I don't know, I guess that's kind of parental.) Which I generally support. Except in the last year, not!son has hit the point where normal types of help aren't doing him any good. It was just enabling him.

And believe me, Tim and I have had serious conversations about this entire situation. I don't object to Tim helping out not!son as long as it doesn't affect our life together in a negative manner.

Best of luck to all of you, Steph. Tim is a good person. And you're a good person too, don't think you aren't.

In order to get my shiny new carpet, I have to move all the "small stuff" out of both bedrooms and off the closet floors. Since I don't think I can manage taking it down the stairs, I'm mentally playing Tetris getting all that stuff into the small bathroom and up on the highest shelves of the closets.

And while I think about it, I'm gonna order Chinese delivery and sit on the couch and watch YouTube videos all day. That'll be productive.

Oh, and it's freaking raining again. I wouldn't mind if the rain cooled things down, but it's still swamp weather out there.

Steph, did you order/receive that WW bathing suit from Torrid? I totally jumped on it when you posted it on here and it just arrived and I loooooooooove it.