In keeping with the FB backchannel, hooooly shit. One of my shithead ex-boyfriends (like, #2 on the list of My Worst Boyfriends) just popped out of the wooodwork on my "Me, too" post to kinda-sorta apologize to me. I have NO idea how to respond to that. I probably won't.

Ugh, Jilli. I guess maybe he is expanding his worldview of what is appropriate, but that isn't on you to deal with. Sounds like you put him in your rearview mirror a while back.

The depression weasels suck. Over the weekend I submitted an appointment request to see my doc and her first available is Saturday morning. Which wouldn't be horrible, but it is a week out and would take me away from one of the few out of the house things I'm looking forward to. I got the nerve up and called, explained the situation, broke down in tears when told there was absolutely nothing earlier. Well, the tears prompted questions if I was a hazard to myself or not and she would call me back in 10 minutes. Now I have an appointment tomorrow morning.

This has been building for at least the last 6 months. I've gained back all the weight I lost, my house is a cluttered mess, I've been working in my pj's more and more, and it is an absolute fight to get through transitions. Even just moving off the couch to go up to bed takes hours. I haven't gotten to bed before 1am the last week, not cause I can't sleep, just cause I am immobilized. I'm absolutely FIGHTING my way through school right now, pushing assignments to the last possible moment. And this is my capstone class so it has so much more work than my other courses.

I hate feeling like this. I hate crying so much. I hate that I'm going to have to switch ADs and hope we find a good one on the first shot. I hate the idea of dealing with new side effects.

Suzi, I'm sorry the depression weasels are in your brain. The way you describe it is just what I experience too. It's so hard to feel like you're dragging yourself through quicksand all the time. I'm glad you got an appointment with the doctor quickly. Just, idk, keep going, okay? Relief will happen. Just keep going.

Jilli, don't even answer him. The fucker doesn't deserve a moment of your energy.

I'm sorry, Suzi. It's so hard.

Yeah, not responding seems like the best choice there, Jilli.

Suzi, that is so rough. I've been there. Working in pjs, unable to get off the couch even to go to bed, gaining weight, house clutter worse than usual, crying -- all of it. But I think you've gotten past the hardest part, which is getting in to see your doctor. It WILL get better from here. Not as quickly as you'd like, but it will get better.

Well, the tears prompted questions if I was a hazard to myself or not and she would call me back in 10 minutes. Now I have an appointment tomorrow morning.

I did the exact same thing last month. I really, really know how you feel. Hang in there. We've got your back and we love you.

Oh Suzi. It's so rough, and we're here for you.

As I told Plei, if the psycho ex from NJ comes out of the woodwork because of this, I will officially Freak The Fuck Out, and possibly put a protective ring of salt around myself.

I'm wearing a cross, Jilli. Let me know if you need me to brandish it Eastward.

What everyone said, Suzi. I wish it wasn't so hard. Big hugs and an "I'm here" if ever want someone to text (or FB message). Also, not sure if this will help you, although it did for me -- when I was working at home all the time, I made sure to get out of the house and work twice a week, if I could. Just Panera or Starbucks or whatever, but it helped.

But I think you've gotten past the hardest part, which is getting in to see your doctor. It WILL get better from here. Not as quickly as you'd like, but it will get better.

I think Steph is right, and wise.

Suzi, sounds like you've made that all-important first step. Not saying the next bit won't be a slog. But I know you're strong enough, though I'm sorry that you're going through it.