I was being haunted by the memory of ita in the best silver dress ever, and went looking for it this morning.

If you have access to that account, maybe, don't. Not yet. Not right now. I found the picture. But now I can't bear to post it.

this surreally cheerful Swedish children's video about genitals

I have put this to my Swedish friends for comment. I am awaiting a response.

And thank you, Betsy, for carrying on ita's awkward links banner!

I always clicked on ita links. Ah, glutton for punishment.

I'm grateful that I was able to meet ita in person a few times, but I am also confident that my feelings about her as a friend would be the same if I hadn't. Our connection was on line. I'm grateful I heard her lovely voice, but it is her voice here that I will remember most. I'm grateful for the few hugs, but her support here was more meaningful.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I get that many of us are sad that they didn't get to meet ita, but you did. Which is why we are so devastated that she is no longer here with us.

My ability to be coherent is suffering.

Oh man. I haven't been around for a long time, and even when I was, I was more of a lurker, and I didn't know ita very well. Still, I remember her as the heart and soul of b.org. I can't help thinking about the things I wouldn't know, or wouldn't have, or the people I would never have spoken to, if not for her, and this board. ita touched so many peoples' lives, including mine, and there is a hole in the world right now, with her loss.

When I saw the news on DW, I was shocked and saddened, and I wanted to offer my condolences to you all. So Buffistas, please know that you all and ita are in my thoughts and in my prayers.

The response is, "No comment, except to say, 'Welcome to Sweden.'"

I am completely unqualified to be helping her family. I am so stupid and ridiculous. I don't know why she put me in charge of communicating with her family. And they keep thanking me and asking how I am. I wish they wouldn't thank me.

Please no hair pats. I don't think I can take it.

If I can help somehow, I will.

Allyson, this isn't a hairpat, this is a statement of fact.

There is no good way to handle the dreadful business of coordinating a beloved child's death. None. There is only "best I can manage at the time". This is a horrible thing to have to do, and the horror is inherent to the situation.

There is no platonic standard. There is no right way to do this.

What Betsy said.