I am completely unqualified to be helping her family. I am so stupid and ridiculous. I don't know why she put me in charge of communicating with her family. And they keep thanking me and asking how I am. I wish they wouldn't thank me.

Please no hair pats. I don't think I can take it.

If I can help somehow, I will.

Allyson, this isn't a hairpat, this is a statement of fact.

There is no good way to handle the dreadful business of coordinating a beloved child's death. None. There is only "best I can manage at the time". This is a horrible thing to have to do, and the horror is inherent to the situation.

There is no platonic standard. There is no right way to do this.

What Betsy said.

Not a hair pat, but if they keep thanking you, you're not doing it wrong, even if it feels like it. Can one of the other core locals spot you with it?

I am completely unqualified to be helping her family.

This is so fucking hard. Is there any way we can help? Like, can you order in food so you don't have to deal with cooking? (I mean, duh, you live in LA; you can order in food.) It's wholly inadequate, but my money is your money and I will send you $$ so you can order some damn dinner.

I don't know why she put me in charge of communicating with her family.

Can you trust her judgement? That if this is what she chose to do, then this is how she wanted it and thought it should be?

I told my mom that if I didn't have her, you might be my contact, too. You're good at those things, Allyson, and ita's family knows you love her.

ita put you in charge of communicating with her family because she loved and trusted you. I don't believe there's some hypothetical person who could do it better.

So, for the ita book. I'm collecting some of the things people have said here and on Facebook, but I'd really like y'all to think of memories of ita and/or what it meant to you that you want to include in the book and post them here.

Oh god, yes. Kat, Norah, Paula, Kristen, even Paula's sister is flying in to help. It's definitely not all on my shoulders. I didn't mean to insinuate that I was doing everything. I'm just a conduit.

They are planning to come in on Sunday. I sent some hotel recs. I asked if it would ok to draft her obituary.

I asked if they needed any financial help, this will be an expensive visit, but Moji hasn't responded to that. I hope if they need, they will say so.

Colin has also offered to help with things here.

The Blacklist sent us matzo ball soup and black and white cookies yesterday, so I can have that for dinner. Thank you for the offer, Steph. It means a thing.