That's got to be terribly disorienting and frightening, especially for someone like you, independent and in charge. (Would be for me.) I want to tell you to leave your trust in those around you, let it go, but, yeah, that's sooo damn easy, even when you're dealing with what you're used to, brainwise.@@

Do what gravitates towards comfort, we'll be here, making sure you are safe.

The day of the dead pots and plantings you did are beautiful, Allyson.

Part of it is the memory issue. My mom is here and I don't know how she got here. I don't understand a lot of what's happening around me.

I'm sure that's worse than disorienting. Hard to even know yourself when you can't connect the dots.

But this is a transitional period and you will come out on the other side. You will be whole, and wholly yourself. The colors brighter.

Hang on. You're almost there.

I'm so glad your mom is there with you. I trust that you will make it through

Allyson, I think of you a lot. You're amazing, smart, talented, and you're taking steps to take care of yourself. All of those things are so, so huge and important!

I'm really glad your mom is there with you. You'll get through this.

Allyson, we're here for you, and I'm glad to hear that your mom is there for you, too. Also, you are an awesome and clever and creative person.

I woke up thinking I'd copied the config file to the wrong server.

Which of course I didn't, because we wouldn't have gotten things running late last night. Also, I checked that fucker out of paranoia some ridiculous number of times. Chill out, brain.

Allyson, you're truly one of my heroes. My amateur guess is that your brain is presently undergoing a process not unlike 'climate change' that brings weird swings of feeling until it settles down into a new normal that will be warmer and more tropical.

Um, metaphor may have gotten away from me there. When I first went on Paxil I was joking about "science experiments WITH MY BRAIN!" to keep it from being too terrifying. And that was mild steps (I could stop taking the pills any time I wanted) to what you're going through.

Hugs or pats or smiles and waves from a few feet away, whatever would be reassuring but not too much, Allyson. :) You can do it! The middle of any process usually seems like the worst, I'd think.

I slept 11 hours last night, and then my alarm went off this morning and woke me from a sound sleep, from a dream about playing some sort of boad/word game with friends (who were not people I really know) and some random dude who was in our booth with friends of his (??) who left but he wanted to play the game. And just before that a dream about some sort of race that some guy I knew/was dating (??) was supposed to run in, but we'd forgotten to plug in a phone, so nobody called to say "where are you" and he was very mad he woke up only a few minutes before the race. Or something. Dreams are weird.

Random: I'm thoroughly enjoying all the Richard III updates.